Dear Tuffy Luv,
My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship while we are attending schools in different states. He is graduating soon, and we’ve talked about him moving up to my town. The original plan was to move in together, but I started feeling iffy about the idea. We’ve been dating for 1 year and 3 months, but I don’t want to be that girl who has a live-in boyfriend but no sign of a ring. So I told him I didn’t want to live with anyone until I was engaged first. I’m wondering if I am making it too hard on the poor guy – he is moving 1,000 miles away from home to be with me, and I’m making him find an apartment, find his own roommates, while we both know that he’ll probably be over at my place all the time.
Am I being too tough on him, or is this a reasonable thing to ask?
A soon-to-be LDR survivor
Dear soon-to-be LDR survivor,
I think you’re being totally reasonable, but not for the reason you think. Okay, so, like, yes, moving in is a big deal. But it’s not irreversible. Someone can always move OUT.
I don’t think the ring thing is a big deal, unless you had some religious or some such reason for it. It sounds like you just don’t want him to get too comfy and NEVER propose just because you live together. Which I get, but, like, I think is a little unnecessary. Because when dude wants to propose, he’s going to flooping proPOSE.
The reason I think making him live apart from you, for at least a little while, is a good idea is this:
You were in an LDR. Now you’re about to be in an NDR (no distance relationship. You like that?! I coined that shoop. Right here. Right now. DIG.). Long distance relationships, kiddies, you don’t know what they’ll be like up close until you get out of them.
So he’s moving close to you. And you’re feeling “iffy.” Because you smart. Dig? You know deep down that you won’t know what it’s like to live near him till you’ve done it. So, smartly (again), you’re going to do it. But you’re going to do it in separate apartments.
Here’s my thought: maybe don’t make him do a whole YEAR alone. That’s a lot, especially since you guys are hoping it’ll work out. Find a sublet. What’s a sublet? A place that he can live without actually having a lease. Here’s a pretty good article on it. Take the proper precautions and YOU (who already know the area) help find him somewhere safe and nice and near you to live for 3-6 months until you can be sure you guys are actually ready to live together.
Good luck, girl. And congrats on a level head and a (hopefully) awesome NDR!!!
Hearts & Skulls,
Question?! Ask Tuffy Luv. At your own risk. Must be this tuff to ride. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com