On Who Should Do the Chasing and Keeping The Faith [Dear DBN]
As much as I’d love to watch Netflix all day and wait for opportunity to literally knock on my door, that’s not how life works. Whether it’s a little push or a big one, the initiative usually needs to come from you if you want something to happen. This week, in love and life, how hard to push when you want things to change.
How do you find balance between being straight forward and taking the initiative with a guy, while also letting him do the “chasing?” I think it’s as simple as if a guy likes you, he’ll make plans. But how do we just wait around for this? I hear all about how guys like girls making the moves, and not to be old fashioned, I truly believe many guys prefer doing the pursuing.
It’s not that guys like girls making the moves, it’s that they like girls making a move in general. What they want is the gunshot before the race. They don’t want to false-start only to be totally disqualified before even being given the chance to pursue. It’s often difficult to discern if a girl is being polite, if she likes you, if she’s just flirty in general, etc. Sure, I’d like the guy who isn’t phased by me being “intimidating,” but not every guy is going to take a leap of faith, so green-lighting the opportunity for them is good way to say, “You may give it your best shot now.”
After that, let them do the work because all evidence points toward them enjoying it.
How do you keep your faith that things will work out?
Because I’m human and they have to.
There’s a question on OkCupid that raises a morbid answer in me: What are the six things you could never do without? Aside from the no-longer-clever-due-to-repetition-answers like oxygen and sustenance, most people say iPhones, family, laughter…but you can do without all those things because we’re animals and we survive. But because I’m human I can make it okay. I can rationalize, I can see the silver lining, I can enjoy less simply because I have nothing. I can change the picture I’ve painted, and I can make do.
I don’t have faith that things will work out, I have the ambition to make damn sure they do. It’s when that boulder of forward movement slows that you need to push the hardest.
You’re a car stuck in the mud. You’re rocking and revving and trying to get out. You need to keep pushing that car with everything you have, because it’s when all seems lost that you’re the closest to escaping. You put in that final push or you succumb to the sadness of waiting for outside forces to alleviate your situation, and God knows how long that will take.
Faith is just the relationship you have with your inner child – and that kid is scared sh*tless. So, take yourself out to play, because happiness is like muscle: the more you add, the more calories of bullsh*t it burns.