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Perfecting The Art of No-Strings-Attached Sex [Sexy Time]

Though I personally fall firmly on Team Long Term Relationship, I appreciate and condone the existence of a f*ck buddy.  There is definitely a percentage of the sexually active population who needs to have the option of continual no-strings-attached fornicating at their disposal. Unfortunately, maintaining an NSA relationship is slightly harder than it appears. It’s a delicate balancing act between being detached and intimate (because yes, getting naked and orgasming with someone is an intimate act – deal with it), and people usually end up too far on one side of this precarious tightrope. However, your booty call relationships need not be destined to fail. There is no reason two consenting adults can’t maintain a fully no-strings-attached arrangement – you just need to keep a few things in mind.

1. Honestly assess your ability to keep things extremely casual.

You may think that you’re the queen of Giving Zero F*cks, but take a moment to think about your history – do you inevitably end up making your booty call/FWB your actual boyfriend? Do you find yourself getting antsy when you realize you haven’t heard from your booty call (hereafter known as “BC”) in a whole 24 hours? You may pride yourself on not being a stage-5 clinger, but if you are even a stage 2.5, you probably need to check yourself and realize the NSA life is not for you. And that’s totally okay! Don’t force yourself into a role you’re not good at when you can be true to yourself and be a lot happier.

2. Don’t make appointments with your BC too often.

No matter how good the sex is, if you’re seeing the same person several times a week, you’re already setting the groundwork for things to escalate beyond BC status.  Get a vibrator or someone else into your rotation, because getting too familiar with probably lead to one of you getting attached. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, please do remember to…

3. Keep the lines of communication open.

I can never emphasize the importance of talking. Even if you don’t know your BC’s last name, you need to at least be able to talk about the status of your arrangement. You need to be able to tell your BC when you’re ready to move on, or you’ve started dating someone else, or you’re starting to fall head over heels. “No strings attached” doesn’t mean “No talking about anything, ever.” While being detached does mean not whining about how anxious you are about finals or how your BFF is totally stressing you out, there are certain topics that are relevant to both your and your BC’s interests, and you need to be able to address those.

4. Be smart about who you choose to get it on with.

Do go for: successful one night stands, people who are not relationship material for one reason or another, and people who you know will probably be moving away soon (ie, graduating seniors, interns who are only in your city for a few months, etc).  Stay away from: friends, recent exes, exes of friends,  anyone you’ll be forced to cross paths with daily.

5. Be shameless without being tacky.

So let’s be real, having a strictly sexual relationship with someone is probably not the height of elegance or whatever, so there’s no reason to be coy about your intentions. Once you’ve identified your BC and you’re both on the same page, neither of you should have any qualms about texting each other at odd hours to coordinate hookups. But it also means you should have a modicum of decorum – it’s cool if you have several options, but if you text one of them, and then text five others as contingency plan, you then have to awkwardly renege if you get multiple responses.

Maintaining a successful NSA relationship is about being honest with yourself and your partners and making good choices – ie, typical grownup stuff. There’s this idea that if you’re only going to be having sex with someone, you don’t have to worry about, you know, treating them like an actual human being, or that you shouldn’t have to do any work to maintain it. Anything involving other people is not going to be effortless, but it definitely doesn’t need to be cumbersome. Treat yourself well, treat your partners well, and hopefully your partner will return the favor. If not, on to the next one, because you deserve better.

[Lead image via Shutterstock]

    Comments

    Comments

    1. mango1531 says:

      this is good- I loled about the stage 2.5 clinger

    2. Anonymous says:

      I believe the word you meant to use when setting up the abbreviation "BC" was not "heretofore" but "hereafter" or "henceforth." Heretofore means "before this" and you wanted something meaning "after this."

      1. Jasmine R. says:

        You're right! Fixed.

    3. […] Perfecting The Art of No-Strings-Attached Sex [Sexy Time] (collegecandy.com) […]

    4. […] Maintaining a successful NSA relationship is about being honest with yourself and your partners and …o the next one, because you deserve better. […]

    5. xxxxx xxxxx says:

      unpaid prostitution. If you need sex so bad that you are having someone come over several times a week, find a lifetime partner before you acquire std's. Lazy…

    6. c says:

      Mine worked for a while because he was reminding me every couple of months that he wasn’t attracted to me. I thought it was overkill and unnecessary, but it worked.

    7. kris says:

      great stuff on here

    8. razorback girl says:

      I thought the article was spot on. I recently had a just sex buddy and turns out we were too close to start with. Made it weird eventually. We also ended up together too often and it ruined the "fun". Now I have a new just sex buddy and these tips will come in handy for sure!!

    9. Chastity says:

      Nice article for those youngsters who have had little to no parenting! Having sex friends is OK if one is a dog or cow, but most people possess a modicum of class and dignity – and understand the many risks of this type of behavior. Not only medical, but psychological. I certainly would avoid any serious relationships with people who have practiced this during their lives – they have been burned out in their efforts to "not be serious". There will be commitment issues with these folks the rest of their lives, and if they marry they are likely to have sex with others behind their partner's back. Do what you will, kids, but please understand where your decisions are taking you long-term.

    10. michael says:

      I believe the word you meant to use when setting up the abbreviation "BC" was not "heretofore" but "hereafter" or "henceforth." Heretofore means "before this" and you wanted something meaning "after this."

    11. messi dona says:

      "If enduring pain, braving shame, despising one's self for the sake of affection and accepting misery without question is the definition of love – then, I LOVE YOU."

    12. Matt says:

      Great job with point #2. When I was single and younger (late teens to mid 20s), one time I hooked-up with 4 different girls in 1 week. As I got older, I started a rotation with just a few girls. I started to enjoyed sitting together, talking, taking walks, going to breakfast, etc. It works best if the appointments/dates are more than 1 week apart – 2 to 3 weeks is better. Explicit talking about what you partner wants and how makes the sex great. It's like getting a PhD in sex! Its hard to explain to someone who is uneducated or not well read. If you were born, raised, lived and never left North Dakota, how could I convince them the other beautiful place in the US – Grand Canyon, New York, the beaches in Florida, a cruise, learning about different people in unique cultures, etc. You can't. So I just tell them how wonderful North Dakota is. (This is not a bash about ND, only its sparse population and remote location.) So don't bother discussing this with the under-educated illiterates. You can't tell a teenager to emotionally mature either. It is part of growing up, they have to learn it on there own and age has nothing to do with it. They can be 140 years old and still immature.
      Point 2-A: Always be upfront. Don't lie and play games. Be mature about it. It is between you and your partner. There is no need to broadcast personal information you become exposed and privy to.

      NOTE:
      Being married and single are 2 different life styles. I have a single friend who has about 7-8 married women he hooks up with. Reason: He doesn't have to deal with any baggage and the wives want an expert in the bedroom. (Of course, they have to lie to their husbands with a low self esteem and big egos. They tell them they are the best.)
      I have been married for over 25 years. Both life styles are great fun. I chose not 2 live both at the same time. I love having kids more than anything the world can offer. I didn't know they were so wonderful until I had to care for them. Learning about child development by reading books, watching documentaries, going to lectures, CDs and DVDs. I became an expert at raising children. Repeat: 2 different life styles.
      Enjoy!
      Center for Disease Control: It is highly improbably to get AIDS through heterosexual sex.
      Article in Times Magazine: 68% of the AIDS is with African American Males, who are homosexual and live in San Francisco, Houston and New York. (I don't remember the issue.)

      Enough from me.

    13. gina kerr says:

      yes i agree this was a good article

    14. aseemrox says:

      dont follow the crowd..dont do it coz your friends are doing..be yourself..
      elegance is best observed when covered!

      for jR aRt work inc.
      ww.inspiredbyalmighty.in

    15. tracy says:

      I would rathet stay by myself than be in a casual sex situation

      This is free prostitution and women who agree to this are dumb with very low

      self esteem. This only benefits men. As a female i ended up unwittingly in this horrible arrangement but got out immediate ly. Do people realize women who do this are whores plain and simple. If they willingly enter into it. I got intothis when my mental ability was clouded , i was about to go to the hospital and cute male attention was good. But this sucks and everyone you sleep with, sleeps with more people too.Your body is a temple, respect it.

      1. Lizzy says:

        Go back to your church then you prude. This isnt the 16th centruary, Women should be allowed to have casual sex all they want with out self righteous b*tches like you suggesting they all have low self esteem. Sex is natrual and fun, as long as we are being safe then we can act on our sexual iurges all we want. Your not the only woman in the world btw, Just because you went crazy and whored yourself to make you feel better doesnt mean other girls are as dumb as you. Respecting your bodies and being a prude are two very different things

      2. Rose. says:

        Agreed, casual sex (for me anyway) will almost always involve connecting with a man spiritually, where we are honest and explicit with what it is we are expecting from the act of "hooking up". Tracy, your post above is just idiotic, you take a very passive stance, what do you mean women that "agree" to this are dumb? Don't you think that there are women out there who know what they want and are competent in taking control of their sexual status? Your body is your temple, so you fulfill its sexual urges, you use condoms and get checked regularly. When you say "this only benefits men", perhaps I'm confused? Or maybe you've just had very unfortunate sexual experiences. I don't really understand why you're such a man hater Tracey, stop projecting your insecurities through absolute drivel and open your heart.

      3. Rose says:

        You really are an idiot.

    16. tracy says:

      As to Matt, you are full of yourself. How is casual sex great fun for women to be used and thrown away? Were you honest with the women? I dont see how.

    17. tracy says:

      Also Matt your past casual lifestyle is not only for ” intellectuals” men in the ghettos have been playas since, forever, watch any rap video.And the majority of San Francisco is not black and male, so i find your racist statistics hard to believe.

    18. Laila says:

      I have been married and divorced twice. I am 53 (female)and I would never again be in a committed relationship. I enjoy my freedom and I am independent. After my second divorce it took me 15 years before having sex again. So for me a FWB works for me, my children are in their 30’s.

      After having two cheating husbands, that did it for me. My FWB and I hook up a couple of times a month, for me it’s perfect. I know that someday he’ll move on and that’s ok too. It partner knows that I’m not going to force him into a relationship.. I have all the time in the world.

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