Releasing the Ghosts of Bad Dates Past [Diary of the Undateable]
I didn’t dress up for Halloween. Didn’t go out, get sloppy drunk or watch scary movies. I was, however, encountered by a ghost. Three of them. Carlos, Tonio and Brian…and basically every other guy that I’ve ever talked to.
I ran across this story about “ghosting” and immediately recognized the signs – when two people are talking or dating and the other one disappears out of thin air. No more texts. No tweets. No calls. Facebook messages, emails, smoke signals? Gone.
Relationships end. Duh. But when someone disappears out of thin air with no warning – that’s something that I’m still trying to get used to.
After this summer, Tonio stopped talking to me even though he promised we’d hang when I came back to D.C. And Brian melted off the face of the earth after our first and only date…after he said that he really, really wanted to see me again.
And Carlos. Carlos and I are really over now. He’s only called me once since I’ve been back in the States – and my flight landed a month ago. The one time we talked, he had to jump in the shower and said he’d hit me back later on that night. I’m still waiting on that call.
Nothing puts a damper to your confidence like being ghosted. It’s not like I did or said anything bad…did I? I thought I was doing the right thing with all three dudes – I never ignored their calls and texts, I was willing to hang out, I was flirty at the right times and appropriately mysterious at others. So wtf is the problem?
Ghosting is like the easiest and lamest copout ever. Instead of stepping up, being a man (or woman!) and saying that you’re not interested, you just say…nothing. Brad told me that if he’s not interested in a girl anymore, the texts are unanswered and the calls are ignored in order to make sure that she gets the point. Yeah, that makes it pretty clear. But why. Can’t. You. Just. Say. It?
After my latest haunting, I hit my BFF Bernard up for advice. He said that despite all of my dazzling efforts, the disappearing acts are essentially my fault.
“Women have ego problems and are emotional and always think that there’s another woman. When a guy tells a girl that he’s not feeling her anymore, she thinks it’s another woman when that’s not the case,” he said. “She thinks she can change something when she can’t. So by not answering calls and texts, it’s avoiding all that dialogue and gives her a clear picture of what the guy wants.”
I wish that my girls and I could get back the time that we’ve spent trying to decipher this stuff – all of our worrying, crying and frantic “why he didn’t call” Google searches. I’ve been so tempted to confront my ghosts – to call them up and figure out what went wrong. But maybe it’s just best to release these demons of dates past. If they aren’t worried ‘bout it, I probably shouldn’t be either.
CollegeCandy, have you ever been ghosted? How do you deal?
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.
[Lead image via Annette Shaff /Shutterstock]