In Defense of Long Distance Relationships

Listen up world, I am tired of all the long-distance relationship bashing. It’s everywhere, from the random drunk guys who feel the need to tell me ‘that’ll never work out’ to movies like Like Crazy that show LDRs as doomed to fail. I totally get it, before I was in one I thought they were stupid too. And honestly, they can be. I still believe that if you’re not completely committed to the guy, if he isn’t the one you picture yourself growing old with, it’s a complete waste of time. After all, if all you want is fun, it’s a lot easier to have that with someone close by. Long-distance relationships only work out when you find someone truly great, which is why LDRs have the potential to be amazing.

The second someone commits to being with you even when they’re miles away, your connection instantly becomes more serious. You’re committing to something that’s more than just sex, which kind of defines your relationship from the get-go. If you’re swapping going to a movie together with hours of skype time, you need to actually enjoy talking to each other. The kind of people who can actually pull off a long distance relationship are a special breed (not to toot my own horn) – they’re willing to put in a lot of effort, be open to something tougher than the usual and are able to completely put their trust not only in the other person, but in the strength of their relationship. If two people of that specific type are able to find each other, love each other, but just happen to live in different areas, or in my case, countries, they shouldn’t let each other go.

And finding each other is tough. Not only is location battling against the brave long-distance relationship discoverers, but timing is everything. That’s why it’s so annoying when people dismiss LDRs as pointless or stupid. If everything has come together for these two people to meet, and they’re strong enough to even consider a relationship that they know is going to be tough, how can anyone disrespect it?

I think LDRs have a pretty bad rep, which is probably why so many people are scared to start one up. But hey, there are some cool things about them! You get more quality then quantity – rather than being able to hang out all day, you might just get a one hour skype session, but that just means you focus completely on each other for that time, something which a lot of couples forget to do. You’ll never take quality time with your significant other for granted; after not seeing each other for months, every moment is incredible. In a long-distance relationship, you have to work at everything – they take effort, which just means your relationship becomes deeper so much more quickly. Finding substitutes for typical couple activities can actually be kind of awesome. Plus, you get so much time apart, which for independent, hard-working people is a definite bonus. You can do anything you want, have fun girls’ nights out, focus extra hard on school. You get the best of both worlds – freedom and independence with the complete comfort that comes with loving and being loved.

I’m not going to lie, it is tough sometimes. You have to work hard on trust, and making sure it stays fresh, the same as any relationship. It sucks being away from the person you love, but if you’re in it for the long haul it’s all worth it. So stop the LDR bashing everyone! Sometimes they actually work out, and you’ll feel bad being the one who doubted the LDR when you’re at the couple’s wedding.

What do you think of Long Distance Relationships? Have you ever had one? Leave a comment below and get involved in the LDR debate!

[Lead Image via trintme]



    1. mango1531 says:

      long distance relationships are tough, but not impossible.. but there are two types, one where you start off as long distance, and that's all you've ever known, and one where you started close together and then moved long distance, the latter, IMO is much harder. My husband and I started off in a long distance relationship and ended up together in the end

      1. Ellen - University of Manchester says:

        So happy to read that comment, it's rare to hear about long distance relationships that work out in the end! Thanks for commenting and congratulations!

      2. I will use your story to encourage my friend though. Thanks for your sharing!!

    2. Steffi says:

      I'm in Finland and my boyfriend in NY. LDR for over two years and going strong. We know we will be physically together for good when it is possible. This is just temporary. It is hard and lonely at times, but definitely worth it when he is The One.

      1. Ellen - University of Manchester says:

        Agreed, it's definitely tough sometimes. But if you're right for each other you can do it! Thanks for sharing!

    3. Telstar says:


    4. Molly - UNL says:

      Both of my serious relationships were LDR. It's definitely easier meeting someone who lives far away and starting a relationship that way, dating someone and then someone moving (me) was really hard on our relationship.

    5. Paxton says:

      My boyfriend and I started dating in high school, and I chose to go to a different college-9 hours away. We are still going strong after three years- I even spent a semester abroad in Australia! It takes a lot of work, but we know if we can get through this than we can get through anything.

    6. Laura says:

      my boyfriend and i have been long distance for most of our relationship (about 10 months out of the 16 we've been together). He is the most amazing guy I have ever met. If it was any other guy, then it wouldn't be worth it. But he is so special. My family and friends love him and I love him more than anything in the world. The distance is going to end this year when I transfer somewhere closer to home:) he's the best:) so worth it

      And whenever someone tries to diss me on it, I don't even listen to them. Their criticisms mean nothing to me

    7. Kayla says:

      My boy friend and I started dating when we were 16 and in high school together. After 5 years at two different colleges 4 hours apart (I did a 5 year program at Northeastern University) and 3 separate semesters abroad (South Africa, UK, France) we made it and our now living together and figuring out the "real world" with each other. It has been tough and sacrifices have been made, but knowing that we were/are always committed to each other has made the relationship so much more meaningful. We appreciate all the time we have together now and I think that our relationship is so much stronger because of the distance we once endured. Thanks for the post!!

      1. Ellen - University of Manchester says:

        Love hearing these kind of stories, thanks for sharing!

    8. lalexgeorge says:

      I just moved to California and my boyfriend is in Georgia, we are hitting our 3 year mark in January. I honestly didint think we would last, but this LDR has made things so amazing and made me realize how much I do love my boyfriend. Things are better than ever, he's come visit me I've flown home we are showing everyone that this can work and we are so happy.

      1. Ellen - University of Manchester says:

        That's so sweet!:)

    9. Kimberly says:

      I live in Washington state, my boyfriend lives in Germany. He moved there two months after I met him. Initially I didn't want to get involved because I knew he was moving. But he wouldn't take no for an answer (not in the controlling way). Constantly pestering me to give him a shot and he'd fly me out and we'd make it work. Well three months went by after he left and he was still doing everything right, emails, texts, flowers. I had a couple of moments where I got nervous if it would actually work. When I had those feelings I would call and we would talk it through. He was very understanding and reassuring. We were waiting for him to pass a final exam and receive a bonus before I came out. He passed the exam but the bonus was taking forever. All the while, we were talking about me potentially getting work there and staying indefinitely. I came out in late Aug and was not able to find work. However I did find out earlier this week that he joined a dating site beginning summer (which coincidentally is how we met, we both agreed to be exclusive and remove our profiles before he left). He says nothing went passed texting and nothing happened. His excuse was he wasn't sure if I was actually coming out (I find complete BS as it was him we were waiting on) and he got bored. I also found this out on the morning of my birthday. Now it's November, I'm flying home in two weeks. He says he really wants to make it work, that he had doubts last time. The other problem is I've already vocalized to him that I love him, which he was not able to reciprocate and says he needs time to say. He is already trying to plan my return trip for March (I can only stay 90 days at a time without a work/student visa, then must leave for 90 days). I say LDR aren't worth it. When I told him I didn't feel like I could continue with the relationship, he cried, begged and pleaded not to leave him. Right now I'm currently trying to keep the peace while not letting him see me grieve over the fact that he has lied, cheated, and used me. I plan on breaking up with him once I'm home and out of his reach. Sorry for being a negative Nancy on a nice article. But I needed to rant.

      1. Ellen - University of Manchester says:

        That's such a horrible situation, and it just goes to show that some people really can't be trusted, long distance or not! Sorry you have to go through that and thanks for sharing, it's always good to get another perspective

    10. […] • Is it possible that long distance relationships don’t deserve the horrible reputation we’ve given them? (CollegeCandy) […]

    11. The Sanguine says:

      Just want to back you up that my LDR of 2 years between Singapore and Texas has worked!!!
      Shame on those people who said it doesn't work for everyone just because it doesn't work for them!

      1. Ellen - University of Manchester says:

        Yay! That's an even bigger distance than mine, so I'm very impressed!

    12. […] In Defense of Long Distance Relationships ( […]

    13. squirrelmonkey says:

      Hey. Thank you for this. My boyfriend and I are 6 thousand miles away. We met online last June and established a friendship. Now, it's been two and a half months since he said he loves me. We're willing to make this work, and he's planning to visit me here next June. This really gave me hope for the future. Thank you!

    14. Melissa says:

      My husband and I were in an LDR for a little over 2 years before we got married. Totally worked out.:)

    15. […] In Defense of Long Distance Relationships ( […]

    16. abie says:

      im in a long distance relationship…my hun is working as a nurse and im working as a sanitary inspector. He's from US , im a filipina..were due to meet this September! wish us luck!:)

    17. Long Distance relationship for most are having a failure to this. Sometimes they cheat and being cheated!

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