Miley Set To Star In Hannah Montana Porno?

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Sex.com, the subtly named adult website, has offered Miley Cyrus $1 million to star in the most epic porno ever: Hannah Does Montana. Soak it in. Soak it in. Let it simmer.

Sex.com Media Director Martin Ellison wrote to Miley’s agent saying, “How far Miley chooses she wants to go is entirely up to her. We adore her new sexy look, and our members at Sex.com have been emailing us all day begging us to make her and Jessie an offer to star together! Considering they are both sexy and youthful in their appearance, we think this could be the most downloaded video of all time!”

Ellison is basically telling Miley to give the people what they want. ‘Cause, you know, listening to people on the  internet always works out in your best interest.

As someone who has seen every celebrity sex tape – Hello, Paris, Kim K., and Pamela Anderson! – I am super stoked to give her my feminist blessing (Her body, her choice, right?) on what will, in all honesty, be the most downloaded video of all time. Now, there’s not any word on whether or not Miley will actually  do it, but it’s important that we remain hopeful for several reasons. A) The animated GIFs – they will be flawless. B) The cocktail party banter – it will be epic. “And when she bent over and her wig fell off, I was like, WTF? She’s not blond IRL!” C) It’s girl on girl – she is boning herself, guys. Hannah does Montana. Dude, according to the, like, scientific String Theory or something when you bone yourself you create a vortex of candy corn and pizza bagels large enough to feed and nurture several developing nations. No hunger, Miley porn, terrible hair weaves – this is like poetic justice for Hurricane Sandy or something. If she does it. Which of course, she won’t. Blame world hunger on Miley, ladies.

[Image Via. Jaguar PS/ShutterStock]

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