It’s Okay To Be Kinky [Sexy Time]

‚ By  Love-Guys-It’s Okay To Be Kinky [Sexy Time]
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I’ve been doing a ton of angsty, “Why am I the way I am?” reflection as of late. I’ve been having some exceptionally awesome sex with my boo recently, so I’ve been thinking about what I consider good sex and why. My sexual preferences don’t exist in a vacuum. I didn’t come out of the womb with sexually submissive tendencies and a preference for being treated/talked to like gutter trash while mid-coitus with my partner. The only way I can orgasm is through aggressive penetration paired with demeaning dirty talk, with slapping, biting and light choking thrown in for good measure. I have “made love” all of twice in my life and both times I found my eyes rolling towards the ceiling out of sheer boredom and annoyance.

Part of the reason I get off on being debased during sex is cliche:  It’s the opposite of who I am/what I stand for publicly.  Part of it is because growing up I was often verbally abused by my peers and I used to internalize it all and secretly relish it. It would hurt my feelings when my classmates weren’t making fun of me because it meant they weren’t paying attention to me. Not that I don’t appreciate more gentle affection from my beau, but I still feel a thrill whenever insults are hurled at me (Other ways this manifests itself: Raucous cackling when commenters call me a “slut” or when randoms on Twitter get upset when I’ve shaded something they like).  And, well, there is something sort of revolutionary about being a sexually submissive female. It’s playing out all the systemic non-consensual oppression/repression/degradation in a mutually pleasurable, controlled environment. Furthermore, in an ethical dominant/submissive relationship, it’s really the submissive partner who has all the power. Her boundaries dictate what does and does not happen in the bedroom.

The most important reason I have sex the way I do however is this: It feels really, really, really good. Even if i weren’t comfortable with my reasons for liking it this way, I really don’t think I would stop doing it. I’m not going to say that everything that feels good is totally valid and healthy, but I think that most kinks are totally cool to play out in a consensual space, regardless of where the kinks originate from. Whether you like being choked to the point of passing out, facials, rape play, or whatever, as long as you’re doing it with someone you trust, there’s not a problem. It can be cathartic to twist something that’s negative or taboo into something that is conducive to bringing you orgasms. There’s not a right or a wrong way to perform your sexuality, so don’t be ashamed to embrace what you really like. Maybe it’s too kinky for some, but it would definitely be kinky enough for someone else.

[Image Via. Everett Collection / ShutterStock]

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