Can’t Get A Date? You’re Probs Ugly!

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Former Playboy bunny Serria Says is now a dating coach. Unfortunately, she seems to be coaching women to become beauty-obsessed, vain Barbies who should be rating their appearance on a scale of 1 to 10.

In her article “The Power Of Beauty” she discusses how no one gives a shit about how smart, compassionate, or really good at your job you are because you’re just so freaking ugly. U-G-L-Y, you don’t got no alibi. OMG. You’re just so gross. Like, you totally look like a 5, but you could totally be a 7 – 7 and a half – if you would just try.

This sounds overblown, but this is really how shallow she is. Serria even admits it:

“I’ll just say this up front: I’m pretty shallow. I know myself, and recognize this as a truth of Serria.”

Let’s break down this article so that we can all eye roll at the appropriate times.

“I think of unused beauty in the same way that I think Katy Perry in an oversized shirt is a waste of good boob tissue. If you’ve got it, appreciate it, because it will not last forever.”

There is no such thing as “unused beauty.” Beauty is subjective. That’s why there was that one episode of America’s Next Top Model where Tyra made a model close the gap in her teeth because it was “hideous.” Then a few seasons later, they WIDENED a girls gapped teeth because gapped teeth are so fierce now. What we consider to be beautiful in modern society changes from week-to-week so to impose a certain standard on someone is only going to make them neurotic and is doing them a disservice. Not to mention, did she ever think some people want to look the way that they do?! On the count of, you know, us having a choice. Do I love X-Tina and Demi Lovato’s super done, airbrushed makeup? It’s not my thing. But I am 100 percent sure a) They know what they look like. B) They want to look that way. C) There are plenty of people who will find their appearance (and personality) attractive. Stop telling people how they should look! It’s yucky in 2012.

“I went out for a drink with a colleague, a former male model now in the commercial finance world. He went on and on about how he really likes smart women and how is girlfriend is getting a Masters. She was a solid 6. Great facial features and nice thin healthy frame, but no effort towards her beauty at all.”

He’s a “former male model” so we know that his opinion matters more than regular dudes. Are you paying attention? Looking like a model is the beauty standard. You know, it’s so easy to look like the people who make up .0000001% of the population’s genetics. Anyway, this girl is so smart, yet she is only a 6 on the sexy scale? If she was so smart she would stop being so ugly – ASAP. No effort towards her beauty? Ugh, why is she so focused on getting her Masters instead of looking hot? Prioritize.

“And guess what this former model that likes smart girls kindly requested at the end of our meeting? He wanted to meet some of my pretty friends since “he’s not married.” I told him I’d love to make introductions, once he’s single. Don’t underestimate the power of Pretty. Smart is great too, but you need both.”

This former male model decided that he wanted to cheat on his girlfriend. The reason being not because this guy is a straight up douche bag and shitty boyfriend, but because his girlfriend is just super duper ugly. Only a 6! That’s how ugly she is. Smart is great, unless you’re a fuggo.

You know what I love? When women help make it hard to be a woman. I got to worry about fashion and beauty advertising and you too? Great. The idea that the modern woman needs to be smart and the standardized version of beauty is just a perpetuation of the oppressive idea that women need to be perfect. Women have to be the mom, trophy wife, and have successful careers these days. God forbid they talk about S-E-X. The idea that anyone needs to be anything is oppressive. I just want to be my goddamned self already.

The article continues to give beauty advice. She instructs us to wear foundation, lip product, tame our eyebrows, have flawless hair, wear blush and whiten our teeth everyday. Is there anything wrong with doing these things? Of course not. The issue I have is the idea that all women should be doing this. Not every girl wants to. Implying that they ought to be only reinforces beauty standards that are troubling. Some girls just aren’t into this. Or they wear makeup in a totally nonconventional way.

Some women do this thing where  they form their own identity. It’s not that women – or  anyone – shouldn’t take pride in their appearance. It’s that there is no one way we should appear. Moreover, everyone deserves to be loved regardless of their appearance. The bottom line is, no matter how you look – you’re going to be the total package for somebody else. Once you start trying to fit into an absurd mold you lose a bit of yourself and you actually make it harder to find someone who is totally compatible to you. After all, whoever you’re meant to be with should actually like the real you. 

[Image Via. Yuri Arcurs / ShutterStock]

Emerald is an editor at CollegeCandy, lover of coffee, and pretend francophile. After studying writing and popular culture at NYU she decided to be a grownup and get a job. Tweet at ya’ girl @EmeraldGritty.

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