On Being Homesick And Friendship [Chronicles Of The City]

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Throughout my college experience, I was really spoiled. I went to school three hours from where I grew up, so I was only a quick drive away. If I decided I needed a hug from Mom and Dad or advice from my brother or some love from the puppies, I could just hop in my X-Terra and head down I-20. I can’t do that anymore. I have to plan flights around work and within my budget.

Don’t get me wrong, I love New York so hard. I’ve always loved New York. This city is filled with beauty and magic that you can’t even understand until you live here. But I miss my home. I miss waking up to the howls of my dog, Zeus. I miss walking up the driveway every day to get the mail from the mailman who has been coming to my house since I was four years old. I miss walking downstairs barefoot and having a mug of “Mommy tea” waiting for me. I miss hearing someone yell, “Dinner!” and having movie nights with my family.

So yeah, I’m homesick. I talk to my family on the reg whether it’s on the phone, by text, or on gchat, but I just miss the comforts of home. It’s hard as we’re approaching the holidays to grasp the fact that I really am on my own. Most of my friends are in grad school and are with each other, and here I am in the most fabulous city ever. But it’s not as fabulous as my Instagram leads on. I’m so fortunate to have some of my best friends living here, but I don’t have all of them. I’m having that revertigo syndrome of wanting to go back to college. I want to go back to when I had all of my friends in one place.

That’ s too easy though. New York is a lonely city, but it’s the best place to learn if you can make it or not. If you can deal with the challenges here, you can do anything. No one comes here because it’s easy, and I certainly didn’t. I’ve made friends since I’ve been here, don’t worry. I don’t want y’all thinking I’m all alone or whatever. But not everyone is looking for friends, which is the tricky thing about this place. Having gone through some traumatic relationship-related issues before I came here, I aimed to not get involved with anyone when I moved. Well apparently, some friends can’t be just friends which is just really unfortunate.

Why is that, dudes? Why is it when you become best friends with a girl per your own accord, you can’t just be friends with her? And why is it that everything is decided on your terms? It’s that kind of behavior that when you ask me not to write about it, I’m going to do it anyway. I’m going to call you out and tell you that you’re being a jerk. I’m going to tell you that I miss my friend and that I need my friends because I’m having a hard time adjusting and that it’s difficult to go from having friends and family to having a cactus named Sandy Cohen.

I really am happy y’all, I promise. But if you’ve moved, whether you’re post-grad or just beginning, it’s okay to be homesick. It’s okay to call your parents and be sad. It’s okay to cry in the shower and not know if it’s the water or the tears. It’s okay to miss your ex because you haven’t talked to him in a while. It’s okay to just let it out. It doesn’t mean you’re unhappy, it means you’re a real person.

Caitlin is a graduate of the University of Alabama who has an obsession with cupcakes, coffee, and Harry Potter. She always has random fun facts and is now working for an awesome company in New York City. Follow her fabulous life @caitlincorsetti. You’re welcome!

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