Sometimes I work out these elaborate sex scenes in my head. It’s like I’m a porn star, but even cooler cause I have more creative moves and not as much lip liner. I’m usually on my way to meet some potentially sexy dude when these fantasies take place. They’re like confidence assemblies in my mind. I’m usually wearing lacy panties and have embodied Shane from The L Word, except I’m straight. So me and sexy dude meet up, and invariably, we flirt over drinks. Alcohol does its job at making me even more sold on the idea of crazy sex moves while making me more incapable of them simultaneously.
Lets skip to the part where sexy dude and I are about to do it.
I’m blurry. It’s late. I’m tired. But I’m a f***ing sport, God-damnit, and I step up to the hot sex positions plate. I love having sex, but I don’t have it all the time because I happen to also love being single. This means I can only have sex on those days I meet a guy who doesn’t make me want to punch him. Since sex can sometimes be an infrequent thing for me, I’m sure as hell not gonna blow it by doin’ the same old, even if I am drunk and an all around mess. Nope, no way.
I’m always a fan of branching out sexually. Luckily, being wiling to try new things can pay off more than you know. Example? Here you go:
I met a dude – skanky and yet sweet enough to earn my liking – last weekend. He started biting my neck while dancing at a club. (Drool. For the record, biting is green light for kinky sex.) We came back to my place and had so much sex. So much. For days. In every way possible. It was the most marvelous thing ever.
Did you know that it is possible to have both of your feet massaged and kissed while doing the nasty? Well, it is. And it feels awesome. My point is that there is some merit to crazy sex positions. You can only feel so much doing it missionary and, let me tell you, ladies, that feeling doesn’t cut it. Not only do crazy sex positions keep sex interesting, but they also can blow. your. mind.
Cosmopolitan managed to somehow hit on my three favorite positions in one of their guides online. The fore-mentioned foot kissing one? Yeah, here ya go; it’s called the slow climb. Except the dude in this illustration isn’t kissing her feet…because he’s a bastard and not a hot skank.
Since all ladies like being referred to as dogs, go ahead and embrace the concept of the down dog. OK, the name kinda sucks, but if you keep your legs totally closed on this one, it rocks.
The lusty lap dance, finally, is not as generic as it sounds. In fact, I kind of love it as long as I like kissing the guy I’m sleeping with, which….sigh….just isn’t always the case.
So don’t let your lack of sobriety (or fear of sexjury) lead you down a dead end path of mundane sex. Screw that. Wear your hot panties and have hot sex. It’s worth it.
[Lead image via krivenko8/Shutterstock]