Recap: The Vampire Diaries Season 4, Episode 7 [A Bro's Thoughts]

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Another season of The Vampire Diaries, another Miss Mystic Falls pageant gone horribly wrong. You would think that after awhile, someone would catch on. But it seems like Ms. Lockwood is too drunk to really care about the outcome of a bunch of supernatural and hormonal high schoolers in her backyard. All she wants is to find the pinot grigio and make sure the party keeps going. Overall, “My Brother’s Keeper” was a boring episode, but we got some good plot developments nonetheless. Oh well, onto the recap, shall we?

In Which Elena Moves In With The Salvatores To Create More Sexual Tension Because Damon Is Boning Her Out

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It finally happened! Sure, it was at the end of the episode, and there was a small caveat of the whole “emotions” thing that Elena’s got going for Damon might not be real…But Damon took Elena to vamp pound town in the most anti-climactic sex scene ever! While we all knew it was coming extremely quickly, no one thought that the next episode after Elena broke up with Stefan that she’d be jumping Damon’s bones. Gotta give credit where credit is due, however. Don’t hate the vampire player, hate the vamp game, son.

The fact that Elena might be sired to Damon instead of having legit feelings for him is somewhat of a cop out. She’s been giving Damon “F*ck Me” eyes ever since the start of the series. For her to act on it now is not only overdue, but logical. It seems like the entire population (with the exception of Caroline) of Mystic Falls have been waiting for these two to go at it. For her to move in with the Salvatores at the end of the episode is such a clutch awkward Dawson’s Creek-esque move that for a moment, I remembered that this show aired on The CW.

By keeping both of her men within bedroom distance, not only does Elena create the drama needed by the TVD writers to keep the love triangle interesting since she’s moved on to boning Damon now, but it creates an interesting space where we can officially explore the Salvatore manor (hopefully) which hasn’t been done since the very early episodes of the very first season. Suffice to say: there’s a ton of potential with this move-in strategy. If the writers don’t see that, I’ll be severely disappointed.

In Which Jeremy Keeps Tripping Balls And Can’t Catch A Break

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I officially feel bad for Jeremy Gilbert. At first, I thought that maybe he was just a beacon of bad luck, but now it just seems like the world is out to get him. He trips out so hard in his dreams this episode that he actually stabs his own sister in the throat IRL later in the plot line. Talk about Inception 2.0. While I understand that making him one of the only true vampire hunters in the world adds a little bit of relevance to his character, if he doesn’t wind up dying at the end of this season: this whole story line will be completely pointless.

In Which Caroline Is A HBIC & Klaus Is The Perfect Dude For Her And She Needs To Get Her Foot Out Of Her Ass

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Listen, I love Caroline. She’s blonde, hot, and feisty; three qualities I love in a girl. I also think that Klaus is one of the better characters on the show. For them to get all cute and start talking about their “real lives” while sharing a bottle of champagne is what the entire TVD fandom have all been waiting for since a romance between these two was teased last season. To digress though, how hot was Caroline this week while running the Miss Mystic Falls pageant? While I wasn’t too big a fan of the hot mess that was her mini-skirt, I was really into her bossing around Olympians and making sure that every other girl looked slamtastic as well. Speaking of the other girls, Jeremy’s future slam piece may have won Miss Mystic Falls this year, but that doesn’t make me doubt my prediction that she will be dead by this season’s end. She’s just too nice to everyone, you know?

In Which Tyler & His Slam Piece Can’t See Eye To Eye

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The fact that this girl Hayley is legitimately throwing herself at Tyler while he acts totally oblivious is an insult to the small male demographic that watches The Vampire Diaries. Words of advice to Tyler Lockwood: First of all, it doesn’t matter if her accent breaks all the time: if a girl this hot wants on, you make sure that happens. Your girl Caroline is off galavanting with the first hybrid in the history of existence, bro. You can’t keep up with that. Hayley might not be as hot as Caroline on the pure-superficial scale, but she’s got a different look, different personality, and looked absolutely killer in that red mini-dress you made her wear to your mom’s house at the Miss Mystic Falls party. Come man, just go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? The “sexual tension” between these two characters now is officially dead. If they don’t get it on soon, I might think Tyler is asexual.

In Which An Olympic Gold Medalist Has Absolutely No Speaking Lines Because RACISM

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Yeah, I’m going there. I’m pulling the race card. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain by a statement like this: Why would The CW even entertain the fact of including arguably the most recognizable Gold Medalist from the 2012 Summer Olympics, Gabby Douglas, on arguably their most watched show if they weren’t going to give her any speaking lines? I don’t know how the other cameo/guest star roles turned out to the other “Fab Five” gymnast girls, but I’m pretty sure they probably spoke. I’m going with the only reason Gabby Douglas didn’t speak is because she’s black. And that’s all there is to it.

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All in all, the only thing that really happened this episode is that Elena’s attraction to Damon might not even be a real attraction. Which kinda blows for Damon, but if you get to sleep with the supposed girl of your dreams on a regular basis for a little bit, you can’t be too bitter about the situation. Check out a trailer for next week below along with the glorified sexual tension that has officially hit a fever pitch on TVD. I’m excited.

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