So there’s this guy. (Isn’t there always?) The last thing he texted me was some inside joke about avocados. I fell asleep before I texted back. That was pre-Thanksgiving. And now I’m left wondering the obvious – what the hell do I text back to avocados two weeks after I fell asleep? We all find ourselves in this quandary – how do I take this textual conversation to the physical realm? Should I be funny? Direct? Brief? Use an emoticon? Screenshot a meme so obscure only my future husband could find it funny thus proving whether or not we’re meant to be?
Texting at it’s origin was meant for simplicity and ease of communication. “I’ll be there at six.” “Please bring my sweatshirt when you come over.” “Address is 106 Maple St.” But for every phone number, date, time, and address you receive, you also get one of these, “What are you up to?” The answer can be simple. If you’re replying to your mom, “At the gym, call you later.” If you’re replying to your best friend, “Laying on the couch thinking about going to the gym to hit on that blonde dude.” To that girl who always goes to the best parties, “Gym – you trying to go out tonight?” To your ex, two hours later, “Sorry, was at the gym, what’s up?” To that super hot guy that got your number two days before, text your best friend first.
Like online dating profiles, our communication has become contrived, plotted out like a sitcom hoping the laugh-track kicks in immediately after we hit Send. For the sake of my own sanity, I have a new answer: don’t text. And for the month of December, I’m not going to. I’m single, living in a new city, and sleep with my phone next to me. I anticipate severe withdrawal symptoms, but I have high hopes for a new state of enlightened communication – or at least a cheaper phone bill. Follow my progress here, and join in the fun if your thumbs can handle the vacation.