I’ve started hooking up with a guy who seems great in every way but one — he’s a little selfish in the bedroom. He gets his every time, whether it’s through oral or old fashioned sex, and leaves me to fend for myself. Not once has he made a move to go down on me, even after I’ve blatantly (but politely!) expressed interest that he do so.
He’s funny, he’s kind, he’s interesting and we have wonderful chemistry, so I’m hesitant to give him the boot…but this is just not fair!
Any wise words?
Not getting as much as I’m giving
Dear Not getting as much as I’m giving,
He is the weakest link, goodbye!
That’s not a bit selfish, that’s being a dick. A big dick. A John Holmes dick. You don’t want to be messing around with a John Holmes dick. You want that dick out the door as fast as it can drag itself. So you take your boot, dip it in some KY Jelly, shine it up real nice, and stick it straight up his candy ass!
There’s NO excuse for that kind of insensitivity in the bedroom. NONE. You do for him, he should do for you. ESPECIALLY, if you’ve asked him to. He’s not into it? Tough. He can get into it or get out. You also just need to stop giving if you’re not receiving. You’ve got power here: the power to withhold.
He won’t return the favor? Then don’t give him anything that he’d need to return. Save your energies. Save your efforts. Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of. And he IS taking advantage.
It’s not easy to reconcile how a guy can be great in some areas but totally suck ass in others. No guy’s perfect. No guy’s going to magically be exactly what you want/need in every way. But a guy can be willing to compromise and at least attempt to meet you halfway. He doesn’t sound like he’s willing to, given the fact you’ve asked him to return he favor, he hasn’t, and yet he’s still willing to take what you give.
It’s great that he’s kind. It’s wonderful that you have great chemistry. And if this were just about sexual compatibility I wouldn’t be as vehement in my advice that you jump out of this “whatever” as fast as you can. But this isn’t about compatibility. This is about him being a douchebag in the sack. This is ASBOLUTELY about selfishness. Unhealthy selfishness.
If a guy doesn’t treat you with respect and courtesy, no matter the area of the relationship, then he’s not worth the work you’ve got to put into him. You give, you receive. It’s not always going to be 50-50, but it can’t be all or nothing. Sex is a major component of every relationship. It’s not the only thing, but it’s not nothing. It’s one of the foundations you build your intimacy on. A partner who’s unwilling to EVEN TRY to satisfy you is not someone who you’re going to become very intimate with. At best, it’s someone who you’ll be trying to work around, not with.
And to any guys out there reading this who think I’m being harsh…f*ck you.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your questionover to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]