On Second Dates and Sexy Texts [Dear DBN]

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dear dbn

It’s your call what lights your world and what doesn’t.  It’s also your call whether or not to pursue it or pass on it.  This week, when they deserve a second chance and when you do, too.

I was wondering if you would weigh in on something for me. I read your blog and love the advice you dole out. Tonight, my friends started criticizing the way that I date. They say that I need to “give the guys more chances” and that I’m too quick to judge; everyone deserves a second date! I think that’s garbage, personally. If I’ve spent an hour with your for drinks and I want to bolt, why should you get a second date? Just because he didn’t kick a puppy? What are your criteria for a second date?

Make me laugh.  Make me blush.  Make me listen for ways I could surprise you, for what matters to you, what you like, what you don’t, how you like your steak, neat or on ice, if you’re more of a Yankee or a Met.  Make me ask and wonder and laugh and listen.  Be kind and be patient and be present.  Be a shimmer of hope, of understanding, of me too! and no way!.  Make me collapse in giggles, staying up for hours just to write your name in big droopy letters.  Give me the unsettling paranoia that my phone definitely just buzzed, I am positive it did, I did not imagine that.  Make mistakes just passing time before I see you.  Make rain sound like music, make traffic a daydream, make everything better.  Make me want to make you want me.  Make it fun and new and thoughtful and worth it.  Make it magic.

That’s my criteria for a second date.  You’re not interviewing people for the Naughty or Nice list, you’re auditioning them for three day road trips, doctor’s results, scrambled eggs with cheese and chewy bacon, slamming doors, and the endorphin rush of their lips on yours.  Only you can make that judgment call.

I slept with this guy a month ago, we had a fun time but didn’t exchange numbers (partly because I snuck out in the morning still drunk). Two weeks ago, I got a text from him on a Tuesday at 9:30PM (I think he got my number from his friend who is friends with my friend) the classic “What are you up to tonight?” I was asleep. I work, yo! I responded the next day with “Sorry I missed your text, I was sleeping!” Now I want to sex someone up – is it cool to “What are you up to” him now? Has the window passed?

No.  Text him.

One, windows don’t close on guys…unless they get girlfriends.  Two, even if he was no longer interested, you can still text him.  His wordless denial will not send you to the depths of Hell, nor will it forever tarnish your reputation as someone who texts after the window closes.  If you text him, and he doesn’t answer, he might be asleep…because he works.  If you text him, and he replies, and you agree on a bar, and you meet up, and you have the best sex of your life, then your only window-concern will be making sure the blinds are closed.

Or not.  Do your thing, lady.

CollegeCandy is excited to announce that we’ve partnered up with one of our favorite Tumblrs, DateByNumbers, to bring you some of her very best advice. Each week she’ll tackle your questions. Life, love, sex, the real world…nothing will be off limits. To submit a question of your own, visit her “Ask” page and keep an eye on CollegeCandy every Thursday afternoon!

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