“Do I Need To Go Bare Down There…?” [Ask A Dude]

The Importance of Forgiveness [Confessions of a Twenty-Something]The Importance of Forgiveness [Confessions of a Twenty-Something]
If This is Most People's Idea of Comfy Finals Week Attire, I'm On Bath SaltsIf This is Most People's Idea of Comfy Finals Week Attire, I'm On Bath Salts

Hey Dude!

I’m dating a guy who is alllll about the manscaping. Like he’s got nothing. Anywhere. Even his chest is shaved. (For the record, he’s completely not a “pretty” guy, so I don’t know what gives.) I’ve never been too picky when it comes to how my guys groom — assuming everything’s all clean — but this particular man friend is starting to make me paranoid.

He sometimes asks me if I like his “personal” style and mentions that he’d really like it if I wax everything off, too. I already go to a waxer to keep things neat, but he’s talking like…full on…everything gone. Honestly, I’m not one of those girls who gets preachy and thinks her pubes are a representation of her rights as a female or whatever, so I’d totally go get a Brazilian if he prefers it that way. But come on, is this a little creepy to you?

I know everyone has different tastes when it comes to sex, and I applaud him for voicing his preferences respectfully. That said, I still have a weird voice in the back of my head telling me that men shouldn’t want their girlfriends, etc. completely bare down there…

Am I overreacting? Should I just take the plunge and go all-in (or all-off, as the case may be)?

Sincerely,

Trying to Be Smooth

Dear Trying to Be Smooth,

If you’re down for it, why not try it once?

That said, yes, it comes off as a bit creepy that he’s so obsessed with everything being…smooth, on both you and him. I appreciate you appreciate his respectful way of letting you know about his sexual preferences. But just because he’s got preferences doesn’t mean you don’t have preferences and you need to make it clear to him: “If I’m willing to do this for you, you have to be willing to do something for me when I ask you to.”

What’s most concerning is making sure this remains a two-way street. A lot of people write in wondering if it’s weird their guys are asking them to do this or that, I tend to get worried that not enough guys are listening to what they want. You have as much right to ask for him to expand his horizons or be understanding about one of your sexual quirks as he does. And it’s not asking too much. Especially in this case where he’s already asking of you. So make sure your needs are being met before you decide to meet his, that’s all I’m saying about that.

Manscaping is a more recently discussed and encouraged practice. And I’m all for it. Men should put forth effort in their appearance. Men should put in the effort to be considerate of what y’all might or might not like. It shouldn’t be a wild forest down there if you don’t want it to be.

But like everything else, I’d argue there might be a limit to how obsessive one needs to be about their personal grooming. He’s not shaving his eyebrows off, is he? Body builders, I get that, it’s part of their job. But a broker? That’s something else going on there. Somehow he’s got it in his head that hair is unhealthy or unattractive.

I’d be on a bit of an alert as to whether this preference is more an obsession. Because if it is, then yes, it’s creepy. It’s DEFINITELY creepy. You’re not overreacting. I’d tell him you don’t want to and see what he comes back with. His reaction might be the best way for you to decide what action you’re willing to take.

Staying groomed but not consumed,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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