Dear Tuffy Luv,
There’s a guy at school with whom I’m smitten, but I’m having a lot of trouble figuring out if the feeling is mutual, or if he just thinks we’re friends. We met at the beginning of the semester through a mutual pal, and really hit it off from the start.
Though our schedules are vastly different, we’ve managed to keep in touch and hang out one-on-one a couple of times: once for a midnight run for milkshakes which turned into a hour long chat in my car, and a second time for lunch (for which he paid) and a movie. We’ve also spent time together on campus a few times, though admittedly not very often–mostly because we’re just never at the same place at the same time. He’s really great to be around: fun, bright, interesting and he’s definitely got a lot of the qualities that I’d look for in a significant other. But, like I said, I’m not sure what’s going on in his head.
At first my girlfriends were pretty convinced that he liked me, but after our movie date (if it even was a date), they aren’t sure. When we parted ways, we both said we had a great time and that we hoped to see each other soon, but I didn’t get a text afterwards. Now, hold the phone–I’m pretty clueless when it comes to dating and guys in general, so I wasn’t sure if that was a big deal. But one of my girlfriends said that if he doesn’t text me within three days, then I should just forget about him.
I didn’t hear from him within her time frame, so I finally broke and sent him a text saying that I hadn’t heard from him, but had an awesome time and wanted him to know. He replied almost immediately and apologized for not texting back, saying he had been super busy (which I knew he was; he’s a full time student with practically a full time job), but he too enjoyed spending that Saturday with me. But now, I haven’t heard from him since.
I know I’m really over-complicating things, but I think it just stems from my insecurities with dating. I’m also a year older than he is, but I can’t really imagine that having anything to do with it, since we had hit it off so well from the start.
Is it worth pining after this boy, or should I take my “three day rule” girlfriend’s advice and just get over it?
Friends, Lovers, or Nothing
Dear Friends, Lovers, or Nothing,
I don’t think you should go by your friend’s stupid rule, but I do think you’ve got some thinking to do. I mean, he didn’t ask you out again. And he didn’t let you know he had a good time until after you said something (and then he didn’t make a move). So I kind of think maybe he just wants to be casual friends. But if you’re really pining after him like you say you are, I think you owe to yourself to at least give it one little last shot.
Call the guy and ask him out on a specific date. Invite him to go to dinner or something that you actually would like to do with him. It MUST be specific: an actual flooping time and an actual flooping place.
He will say one of three things:
(1) I’m busy that day, but let’s do it another time! How about Friday?
(2) I’m busy that day. Bye.
If it’s (1) or (3), then, YAY!!! You got yourself a date!
If it’s (2), he’s not interested and you can put him out of your mind.
Look, no one’s obligated to like anyone else, and if he just wasn’t feeling it, that’s totally legit. But why not stop fretting and find out for sure? Either you get to go out with him and see if it works, or you find out it’s not going to happen and you can move on with your life and meet someone new. Win-win.
Hearts & Skulls,
Question?!?!?!?!?!? Ask Tuffy Luv. TuffyLuvCC [at] gmail [dot] com