Lately I got into a full-on war with my best guy friend. We’re fairly open with one another, especially when it comes to our love lives (or sometimes lack thereof). I heard him talking to his friends one day about how he insists that his girlfriend brush her teeth or use mouth wash after performing oral sex on him if she wants a kiss “for a job well done”. All his friends nodded in agreement saying they request the same. My head spun around and my eyes popped out like a cartoon character. HUH!?
Not that I’m the village floozy, but I’ve given a few BJs in my life. Never, NEVER, have I had a guy tell me to go brush my teeth afterwards if I wanted to continue the makeout sesh. Have I been living in Lala Land? Should I start bringing along mini-bottles of Scope with me to my dates’ apartments? I don’t insist that guys brush and floss after going south on me. Not to sound gross, but I’ve always figured that we’ve exchanged enough bodily fluids to no longer get grossed out by that sort of stuff.
Please, Dude, help me readjust my expectations for post-oral etiquette.
Dear Totally Paranoid,
Thank you thank you thank you for submitting this question. This is one area we don’t talk enough about on Ask A Dude, IMHO. And I’m going to say both of you are right and both of you are wrong.
I know plenty of guys who prefer if she rinses when she finishes him. Is it a guy thing? Not necessarily. Is it some kind of homophobic reflex? Quite possibly. Is it rational? Couldn’t say it was or wasn’t. I will say that there are guys who prefer you rinse and there are guys who don’t care.
Oral sex, whether performed on a guy or a girl, is one of the most intimate experiences there is. And certainly one of the most erotic. There’s such vulnerability involved. I do mean that from a physical sense and it translates a bit to an emotional sense. So afterward, is it caring to share or more courteous to abide by some hygienic guidelines? Depends on the guy.
No, don’t start going around with a mini-bottle of Scope in your purse. If a guy would prefer you to wash or brush afterward then he should provide those items for you.
I think this is a guy by guy set of circumstances. Do you get offended if he’d ask you to rinse afterward? I see your point about the bodily fluids. You’re also not necessarily talking about snowballing. So what’s the harm? If you’re willing to keep the make our sesh going when he’s done on you then isn’t it fair play for him to do likewise? Sure. In an ideal world. But this isn’t an ideal world, it’s the one we wake up to and f*ck in.
It’s not a personal rejection when a guy asks you to rinse after finishing him off. It’s something he’s requesting because he doesn’t feel comfortable doing THAT activity. It’s in the same vein, IMHO, as whether he’s cool with having sex during “that time of the month.” Some guys are totally cool with it and some guys aren’t. You might prefer it one way and he might prefer it another. If that’s the case and it’s a deal breaker then you know the deal. If it’s not and you’re both willing to come to a compromise, or at least an understanding, then all’s well that ends well.
I say if it’s something that bothers you, then let the guy know. Do all guys insist? No. But plenty do. For one reason or another, usually having nothing to do with logic, they’re not into tasting themselves. It’s got nothing to do with the girl and everything to do with their own sexual preferences.
You’ve got yours. He’s going to have his. I think you and your best guy friend just need to agree to disagree on this one.
Wishing you good dental health,
The Dude D.D.S.
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]