An Open Letter To Couples Who Use Pet Names

December 27, 2012 1:00 pm     Posted in HaHa, Relationships  Molly Mahannah g+ page

shutterstock_90374245


By Molly Mahannah

Dear Couples Who Use Pet Names,

I was dating my ex for only a few weeks until he called me “babe” for the first time. Not wanting to be a giant piece of crazy, I let it slide. Then he called me “babe” again a few days later, and I knew. It was turning into a thing. I had to stop it before it started. I put on my best smile and batted my eyes at him and said, “Please don’t call me babe. I actually physically hate it.” It’s not just babe though, it’s all pet names, in all forms shapes and sizes. It’s an epidemic and you’re the reason.

I have a theory that pet names started so that guys would never actually have to learn a girl’s name. They talk about this phenomenon in John Tucker Must Die. “Does he always use pet names like ‘baby’… and ‘sweetheart’? Yeah, it’s not out of affection, It’s so he won’t mix up your names.” If you INSIST on using a pet name, you could at least make it the following things, not vomit inducing, and unique to your relationship. I used to call my ex “doucher” as a term of endearment.

Also, if you’re one of those people that just throws pet names around to people you’re not dating, what’s your deal? Is there anything in the world more condescending than being called “hun?” No. So why do you insist on doing it? If you’re an older man and call me any derivative of “sweetie” it’s hard to not sound creepy whilst doing it. Look, I’m not hating on all of you, really. I’m sure your pet names mean so much to you and your significant other, but I mean. Only certain people can pull them off. But I am not a “Babe”. Babe was a pig on a farm. I am not a “Baby,” as I’m a 21 year old woman. I just don’t like them. I don’t like being called them. I don’t like it when you shower your significant others with the words to mask the veil that you’re not really in love but trapped in a dead end relationship. I hate them.

And I kind of hate you.

Sorry this was harsh, hun.

Love,

Molly

[Lead image via Tom Wang /Shutterstock]

7 Comments on "An Open Letter To Couples Who Use Pet Names"

  1. fashionfoodandflirts says:
    Thu, 27th Dec 20122:51 pm 

    Haha, very funny post! and you're totally right, by the way. Pet names truly SUCK :p

  2. Laura says:
    Thu, 27th Dec 20126:37 pm 

    I like pet names… My boyfriend calls me "Laura Bear" or "Baby Bear"… I don't mind it at all, since there are more things in the world to worry about than pet names

  3. Ali says:
    Fri, 28th Dec 201210:15 am 

    I suppose you have to be careful with pet names. If you don't know someone well enough to know whether they will viciously object to being called 'Babe' or 'Hun' you shouldn't attempt it in the first place but it can be comforting in some cases. I myself don't mind them as long as they are nice names and not something like 'Bitch'!

    Taking a name too literally as you said "But I am not a “Babe”. Babe was a pig on a farm." is just an excuse to stop people from calling you a pet name. That grates on my nerves, just like when I have a scare and say "I almost died from fright just now" and some smart-arse pipes up and says "I'm sure you didn't almost die". Objectifying a phrase is similar to objectifying a name. Babe was a pet name before the pig came along. Baby is used in the context of protection and vulnerability. If you don't like something you don't have to justify it with a literal example to prove a point.

  4. DarcieDML says:
    Fri, 28th Dec 201212:20 pm 

    I love pet names. I respect your opinion, but I highly disagree. You have the option not to use pet names, but don't tell me I shouldn't. And if you hate me because I use pet names, then I'm sorry for you.

  5. KTL says:
    Fri, 28th Dec 201212:39 pm 

    i like pet names, provided they are sweet and not condescending. I do agree though that being called ‘Hun’ is extremely condescending and rude. I was discussing a political issue with a girl I work with and every time I made a point she would counter it and call me ‘hun’. For one thing it’s infuriating and for another I took her argument much less seriously

  6. Heather says:
    Sun, 30th Dec 201211:21 pm 

    Though I like an agree with this article, it more so seems like a regular rant as opposed to the "open letters" of the past. Was hoping more so for the latter.

Tell us what you're thinking...