A quick but urgent question: Should guys have to split plan B with us?! And how do you go about asking him?
Dreading the morning after
Dear Dreading the morning after,
The first part of your question is an easy one for me to answer: “YES! YES! YES!” There’s no reason he shouldn’t be AT LEAST splitting the cost. It’s a no brainer. It takes two to…euphemism after all, why shouldn’t it take two to…another euphemism. He’s as much part of what resulted as you are, therefore he should be splitting the cost. Period. End. Period. Of. Period. Story. Period. Are there extenuating circumstances? Yes and no. Do they matter? Not much. What matters is what’s happening the morning after, and that affects both of you, therefore you both need to take responsiblity for what actions happen next. Once the decision’s been made that this is your plan, you both carry it out together.
Part two of your question…”Give me my money, ya sumbitch” would suffice. Or you could go hire Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci would totally get your money. Wig or no wig, he could do either way. At 80 (?), freaking Joe Pesci is still that badass. You could also just be direct and say along the lines of, “I’m doing this, you’re part of it, and I want you to take care of your responsibility.” In an ideal world he’d be understanding and fork it over. In reality, he might freak out.
Bottom line is that it’s a good idea to make the decision together, if possible. That way he doesn’t feel (rationally or not) that it’s being sprung on him. Tell him, “Listen, with what happened last night, it’s important that this happen. What do you think?” and through a calm conversing he’ll hopefully listen to reason and be happy to take care of his end. However, if that doesn’t work, then be direct: “You were there. You know what happened. I’m doing this. We need to do this and then we’ll move on.”
It can be a bit of a scary situation. It’s certainly not the most comfortable one. Not for either of you. It’s tough to keep it in mind but if you’re telling him he needs to be part of this process then you also have to take into account he could be feeling the same as you or even the opposite and you might have to exercise a little patience, or it could all go really smoothly. I don’t necessarily recommend Joe Pesci as your first option but that’s always on the table.
Talk. Be clear. Be succinct. Get what you need.
Helping you plan,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]