2012 was a pivotal year for me in a lot of ways, especially in my love life – if you can even call it that. I made a vow to stop complaining about being single and actually do something about it. So like the millennial gal that I am, I signed up for a bunch of dating sites and went fishing for the bait. Yeah, the guys that I met this year weren’t the best…but it was an experience that I was most grateful for. And with experience come the lessons…and before the learned lessons are mistakes – many of them. I don’t regret any of my gaffes at all…I’m glad that I made them once so that I know not to do them again, especially next year.
When I was in Germany, I learned about the FFS – the first ‘f’ syndrome – from my friend Brad. Guys prescribe it to girls who attach themselves to the first guy that they hook up with. Unfortunately, this was my case with Carlos. I’m still a virgin, but Carlos was my first in many ways…and I didn’t want to let him go because of that. I stuck around in hopes that our thing would become something defined over time. Never again! If it’s time to let someone go…let him go for good. *cough*Rihanna*cough*
2) Stressing over texting
Thank God for unlimited texts and iMessages. I’ve used up 50% of my messages trying to decipher the ones I send and receive. If you know someone well enough, you can figure out the tone behind a text. When you don’t, there’s plenty of space for confusion – he used three y’s instead of one. There’s a period at the end of his sentence…is he annoyed at me? Texts can be really cryptic. So if something’s unclear in 2013, I’ll just ask for an explanation. Done and done.
3) Waiting for a man to make a move
I’m a certified scaredy cat. I’m pretty shy in many social situations, especially when it comes to meeting men. Everyone’s always boasted the magical wonders of confidence and how it improves everything significantly. I’ll use some of it whenever I see a cutie near my fav table at Starbucks or if I want to talk to someone who seems interesting at a party. Why not?
4) Saying no all of the time
It happens to the best (and worst) of us…someone who’s just too short or too tall or just WRONG approaches you and wants to chat you up. There’s really no harm in saying ‘yes’ to someone that I normally wouldn’t go for, though. Who knows – even if he’s not my type or if I’m not physically attracted to him, he might make a good friend. And everyone needs friends.
5) Boosting my standards up a notch
The other day, I contemplated asking a guy that I’ve known for a while out for drinks. As I conspired over the right thing to say (see number two), I stopped myself and asked what if happy hour is asking for too much? It’s after Christmas… and then I realized how silly I sounded. Yes, we’re broke college students. No, there’s no excuse for us to just “chill” if we’re dating. There are plenty of fun things to do for a small amount of money. There’s nothing unreasonable about a proper date.
6) Sending mile-long messages
This speaks to number two, too. Unfortunately, I’m guilty of sending a few 15-inch long text messages this year. You know, those really lengthy ones with all of these questions and emotions and expressions and emojis. I’ve sent them while drunk and while sober. And I solemnly vow to never, ever do it again.
7) No more guessing games
I was doing some Instagram creeping a while ago and found this really basic meme that spoke to my basic life. “If you miss someone, call them. If you want to be understood, explain yourself. If you want something, ask for it.” I’m so sick of guessing what’s going on on the other end. Next year, I really want to be more direct when it comes to guys to cut back on confusion.
8) More meaningful communication
Remember when we were preteens and we were attached to our house phones? I’d spend hours and hours chatting with my homegirls about everything from projects, puppies, favorite candy and crushes. I definitely don’t have time to shoot the breeze for hours on end, but I miss the days of actual conversation. I know I keep on mentioning texts, but I rely heavily on them. Next year’s all about hearing his voice and seeing his face…not just FaceTiming.
This year, there were people that made me feel like I’m at a disadvantage because I’m choosing to wait. That got to me. Slowly but surely, I’d start stretching the truth whenever my conversations with a guy got around that topic. Being a virgin isn’t something to be ostracized about or excluded for…and I won’t be ashamed about it.
10) Crying over someone who doesn’t deserve it
Big girls do cry because love is a battlefield. Excuse the double cheesy cliché, but it’s the truth! I shed a few tears over assholes that didn’t deserve them. When you’re playing with fire, you WILL be burned. And of course, tears will fall in 2013, I’m a sensitive person and I’m only human. But I’m saving them for people and situations that deserve my emotions.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.
[Lead image via Yuri Arcurs /Shutterstock]