January 1st marks not only the beginning of a new calendar year, but the kickoff to a new lifestyle for a lot of people. After the confetti falls and the last champagne cork has been popped, it’s not hard to find people vowing to live healthier, work harder and find love over the next 12 months. While making resolutions is all well and good, it’s a practice not always rooted in reality…or in the best of intentions.
We polled our staff to see what they considered to be the worst New Year’s resolution they ever made. Here’s what they said…
(PS: Share your horrible resolutions with us below, too!)
Molly: I resolved I would clean my room and go through all my stuff and get rid of the things I don’t need. Like. Yesterday. And now I literally have everything I own on my floor and no energy to fix the problem I created.
Emerald: Trying to convince the world that Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire look alike.
Jessica: I made this one when I was, like, 10. My resolution was to meet and marry Lance Bass. Obviously, that wouldn’t have worked out even if we did meet because I have a vagina.
Ariana: I’m terrible at New Year’s resolutions (making them and keeping them). Every year I give the “get fit!” resolution the old college try, and every year I’m like “But, I love pizza!” Who knows? Maybe this year will be different?
Ellen: The worst New Year’s resolution I ever made was to start saying ‘yes’ to everything. It would have been good in practice, but I built up this idea in my head that once I started saying yes my life would change really dramatically and I’d be heading to cool unexpected parties every night. Instead I just felt miserable because I had hardly any offers to say yes to.
Katie: I made a New Years resolution to go to sleep every night by 10 PM, then I remembered that I never get any work done until after midnight, so this resolution actually made me less productive.
Alex: To try to see the good in everyone. It’s one of those resolutions that sounds wonderful and very kumbaya in theory, but doesn’t always work to your advantage. Some people just suck…even if they do have nice earrings.
Caitlin: Ahh the worst New Year’s resolution I’ve ever made was vowing to not talk to my high school boyfriend back in 2008. I was back together with him like two weeks into the new year, and it was a total disaster. Also trying to not eat Oreos was equally as bad.
Ari: To lose weight. My time is much better spent trying to love myself in whatever shape I currently come in. Too much time is spent by women trying to trim, tuck, nip, and pluck. There is nothing ugly or unbecoming about the way that nature designed our bodies (carrying a little extra around the middle to last us through the long winters).
Theo: Stop spending 50 dollars a week on comic books because “you need to eat”. I’m still on a one ramen noodle a week diet.
[Lead image via solarseven/Shutterstock]