Why Does Sex Always Hurt Me? [Ask Tuffy Luv]

Dear Readers,

Tuffy Luv here. I just wanted to say, thanks for letting me into your lives this year, and I hope we can continue to be friends or whatever. And this year, girls, this year — let’s all be the most awesome, kindest, smartest, coolest, best people we can be. Deal? Happy New Year and shoop.

And now back to your regularly scheduled column…

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I think my vagina is too tight/small. Although I have been having sex for almost a year, it is still often painful afterwards (if not during), and it snaps back to it’s original state. It’s not him either. At most I can only fit two fingers, and even that hurts a lot of the time. I’ve never been able to insert anything into it, be it tampon (I have to use those icky pads) or medication without it being painful or just being to scared to do it.

Please help,
Itty Bitty Painful Vagina

Dear Itty Bitty Painful Vagina,

Girl, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you need to go to a doctor.

Chances are, you just need some warming up. It sounds like it’s causing you a lot of anxiety, which is probably making the situation even tighter (yuk yuk wakka wakka). So try using lube. And try doing more foreplay, and make sure it’s stuff that actually turns you on.

However, you really DO need to get it checked out, because it’s possible you just need a little medical intervention. You could have a naturally small vagina (this really happens! And doctors can help), you could have an infection, you could have vaginismus, it could be some kind of inflammation — it could be anything. Aunt Tuffy is a lot of things, but she ain’t a doctor. So in CASE (just in case!!) it’s something scary or harmful, you MUST MUST MUST go to your OB/GYN.

Okay, girl?! Promise me!!! NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION: Better sex, better health, better life.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Ask Tuffy Luv: tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com



  1. Christy says:

    I have this same issue and each time my boyfriend and I have tried to have sex we have had to stop because it hurt way too much. When I went to the OB/GYN for my pap test it was terrible as well and I told her of my problems. She told me that since it is painful you tense up and that causes more pain so you have to spend some time alone with yourself getting less anxious and learning how to relax those muscles and stay calm. It is a mental thing as well as a physical issue of your muscles being too tight and in need of stretching just like any other muscle in your body. She also told me that they have physical therapy for this as well but that just is a little too weird for me.

    1. sarah says:

      Christy, don't give up on trying to get pain to go away. sometimes doing muscle relaxation isn't enough, even if you're totally relaxed it can still be painful….it's not all in your head.

      Totally hear ya on physical therapy sounding weird. I found a lot of good information on this issue on the site…….even if you don't go there as a patient you should totally check it out- when i found their site it helped me figure out what my problem was. and btw my ob-gyn didn't really know what to tell me besides 'go for physical therapy' or 'relax before you have sex'.

    2. GoHuhO_o says:

      There's also regular therapy for this kind of thing, too. Ask a doctor about a sex therapist, see if you can get a referral.

      I took a course in college called Human Sexuality, and this issue was discussed. My teacher – who was a practicing sex therapist – showed us one of the tools that can be recommended as treatment. I think it was called a diallator, and it just looked like a tapered dildo, probably the length of your hand. I don't remember whether it was stated or implied, but I also think this tool was something you were supposed to use yourself… which might make the concept of physical therapy a little less weird.

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