I recently ended a relationship and am looking to start dating again. While I’m extroverted and unafraid of putting myself out there, I always feel like I get lost in the rush when I go out to meet guys. The bars are such a chaotic scene and I don’t want to look like an idiot making do-me eyes at everyone I bump into.
In places that aren’t exactly conducive to extensive conversation, do you have any advice for getting guys’ attention and letting them know you’re interested in a tactful, tasteful way?
Allergic to Pick-Up Lines
Dear Allergic to Pick-Up Lines,
One thing I must note, and this is a slight digression, is that men don’t really care of you’re tactful or tasteful when you let them know you’re interested. Bygones. But to fully answer your question head on, let’s examine a few of the elements.
Noise: Crowded and chaotic do limit the use of sound for you. In fact, your best aural option is to suggest, if interested, the idea of going to a coffee shop or another venue that’s less crowded to have a conversation. Even if it’s just outside for a few minutes. This indicates interest but you’re not saying, “let’s go somewhere private,” just “let’s go somewhere less noisy so we can make sure neither one of us thinks the other’s a total creep.”
Space: Chaotic can result in crowded. Crowded means being forced into a cramped situation. Ways to work around the minimal distance are few and easily misconstrued because they require you to be super subtle. Body language is key. Do-me eyes don’t necessarily need to be the first resort, leaning in as he’s talking, eye contact, responsiveness and questions in the conversation are all mild ways of showing interest. Seeing as how this interaction might be short, it’s that much easier.
Activity: Is there a dance floor? Pool table? Vintage arcade game (that’d be sweet)? Darts?
Options: Be a bit discerning on any given night. If there isn’t a lot of conduciveness for a long conversation then the more time you spend with one guy the better shot you’ve got at getting to see if things are worth pursuing. It can be hit or miss but the hit’ll be big and the miss will be conclusive.
One thing it might be time to give thought to is looking into finding some new spots. If you’re hampered by x-factors of the places you’re meeting guys then do a bit of research, try some new places, and see about expanding your variety.
A few quick tips, a few ideas, take ‘em out for a spin if you haven’t thought of any of these yourself and see what works. And please, please modify as necessary.