Oh noes, Robert Pattinson has given up on repairing things with Kristen Stewart. According to the always reliable RadarOnline, Rob just couldn’t get over Kristen’s infidelity and felt a little pushed into getting back together. A source says, “Kristen’s upset but understands. She shouldn’t have pushed him to reconcile after her infidelity. She’s hoping he’ll come round and time will be a great healer.” I wouldn’t be surprised if they broke up and I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re still together. Lifestyles of the rich and famous. To quote Good Charlotte . . .
• This Megan Fox Esquire interview is the weirdest shiz you will ever, ever read in your whole life. OMG this writer thinks he and Megan are Zeus and Hera. I do not even know where to begin.
The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.
Megan Fox is a bombshell. To be a bombshell in 2013 is to be an antiquity, an old-world relic, like movie palaces or fountain pens or the muscle cars of the 1970s or the pinball machines in the basement. And women no longer need to be beautiful in order to express their talent. Lena Dunham and Adele and Lady Gaga and Amy Adams are all perfectly plain, and they are all at the top of their field.
• George Clooney says he hasn’t gotten any work done besides ironing his balls. You know, you got to smooth out the ridges. Stay young, bb. He joked in an interview:
“I never fixed my eyes, but I spent more money to stretch the skin of my testicles. I did not like the wrinkles. It’s a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It’s called ‘ball ironing.'”
• PaperMag interviewed a bunch of successful women about mistakes they regret from their twenties.
Fashion Designer, Cynthia Rowley says, “In my early twenties, I just moved to New York City, started making clothes, and was so broke. I did almost anything to pay the rent. (Picture whatever mistake you want here.)”
• This guy died pooping in between carts on subway trains in NYC. Incidentally enough, the same train ran another person over.
• Obama’s new gun control regulations are pretty reasonable, if you ask me:
- Establishing universal background checks for anyone looking to buy a gun
- Banning military-style assault weapons, as well as a 10-round cap on gun magazines
- Confirming Todd Jones as the director of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. (Jones is currently acting director, as Congress has not confirmed a director in six years)