I started dating this guy and things are going super well. The other night he came back to my place and we started making out on my bed. Once things reached a certain point…you know what I’m saying…he casually let me know he was a virgin. Needless to say, I was a little shocked and pushed pause on our romantic moment.
We talked it over a little the next day and he said he wasn’t saving himself for any reason, it was just something that hadn’t happened yet. The good (good?) news is, however, that he wants me to be his first.
I remember when I lost my virginity it was a pretty big deal, as I feel like it is for a lot of girls. Do guys view losing it as the same epic event we do, or is it a more casual thing? I like this particular person a lot and am not completely opposed to pursuing an intimate relationship with him, but I want to know what I’m getting into. Is this the huge responsibility I imagine it to be? How long does it typically take for guys to get the hang of things?
Dear Ms. Sex-Ed,
I’ve been waiting for this question for a long time…
Firstly, not as many men lose their virginities before they’re 18 as TV/film would have you believe. Plenty of guys go to college a virgin.
Secondly, the idea that a guy will become a needy puppy post-coitus is an exaggeration.
Thirdly, no, this isn’t a huge responsibility for you. At all.
Post-high school, there isn’t a ton of virgin baggage for a guy. Mostly because when he goes to college he’ll either pretend he hooked up one summer with a girl in a European country or just mention that his virtue’s intact. Is it a big deal? Um, yes and no. It’s a big deal because you really want to become sexually experienced, kind of start unlocking the exciting mysteries of sex rather than fantasizing about it. But will he become obsessed with you? Probably not. Unless he’s just clingy in general.
Here’s the thing, if you’re the first then you’re the first. I mean, yes, he’ll probably always remember you. Unless he was wasted, and I’ve known a few guys that’s happened to (which opens up a whole other question of whether or not, for men, you must be conscious of having sex in order to have lost your virginity…) Being the first will make you the benchmark for him but that’s got nothing to do with you in practical real world terms, does it? I mean, that’s all him and his psyche and his further sexual history yet to be written. Mostly he’ll just want to do it again. And again. And again…
When guys first have sex, they want to have sex even MORE than before. Granted, I’m assuming that his first time will be a good time and, hey, you’re a reader so of course it will be! It’ll probably be pretty quick. He might even have a little trouble getting it up and keeping it up (it’s one thing to fantasize it and another to shirk the habit of his dominant hand). Practice will make perfect. You’ll definitely have a super enthusiastic partner who’ll be up for it day or night and at twilight.
You’re not taking on a liability by deflowering him. You’re providing an experience and a memory he’ll never forget. You’ll also get both bragging rights and the opportunity to…mold him.
Don’t overthink and I challenge you to over-f*ck.
Writer of the upcoming hit “The Penis Monologues”,