Girl Will Have Sex With Boy If He Gets 1Mil Likes

By Emerald Pellot

This kid was like, “Get at me, girl.” Then the girl was like, “Hells to the no.” Then he was like, “C’mon, boo?” Then she was like, “If you get 1 million likes on Facebook, then you can get it.” That dialogue is real . . . maybe. Anyway, a boy’s crush wouldn’t sleep with him, so she probably sarcastically said that if he gets a million Facebook likes she would. Like any boy desperate to pop his cherry, he took her statement very seriously and has since accumulated over 1.2 million likes. I hope that instead of sleeping with him, she pimp slaps him for being ridiculous, pats him on the back for having gumption, then kindly points him to OKCupid.

J.J. Abrahams is making a movie about Lance Armstrong. I hope there is time travel in it. 

Zayn Malik changed his signature hair, at least his eyes can still stare into the souls of one thousand chipmunks.

Rihanna has a fashion line. Are you into it?

Ashlee Simpson has new music. Yes, I am into it. Don’t judge – Autobiography was a good album! I swear!  

Degrassi: Anything Could Happen looks so good. OMG ECLAIRE.