Single Girl Myths Debunked, Vol. I [Diary of the Undateable]
Don’t go looking for love. It’ll find you.
Last Friday, I got drunk. There’s no cute, flowery way of putting it. I had finished my first week of senior year and was already buried in piles of articles and assignments. And I was exhausted. My friend Lenia felt the same way. We decided to get dolled up, have dinner in Adams Morgan and bar hop for dessert. And why not? We’re young, single, stressed…and rails were $3 that night. After gourmet pizza, hookah and some sloppily made cocktails, we were pretty sloppy too. We dragged our sloshed selves to a nearby dorm to catch a shuttle to campus and started chatting with a girl waiting there. Alcohol makes me a lot more social…among other things. After a while, I knew the girl’s whole life story including the dish on her chemistry major crush that she was on the way to see.
“Howwwwwww did you meet your boyfriend?” I slurred. “There are like, NOOOOO guys on campus. It’s the damn ratio. The DAMN ratiooooo.”
There aren’t many men on my school’s campus. Almost every girl blames the crappy 4:1 ratio that the guys love to take advantage of.
She explained that although she was hesitant to date a Howard guy, she couldn’t say no because of the amazing conversations that they had and the bond that they developed soon after they met at the greasy counter of a local Chinese carryout.
“I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or even a boo at the moment,” she told me. “But it’s like he chose me. Love chose me. And it’ll happen for you one day. If you chill out and don’t look for anything or anyone, it will find you.”
Although I smiled politely and agreed, I wasn’t too drunk to realize that she hit me with a hackneyed saying. The same one that I’ve heard for years. The same one that makes every single red blood cell in my body boil.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard the whole “don’t go looking” line, I could probably purchase an entire set of monogrammed Louis Vuitton luggage…AND a trip to Paris. And ironically, people who are in relationships always dish that one to me – not my fellow single girls.
It’s impossible to just chill and not look for someone or be sought out. I think that subconsciously, we always put ourselves in positions to meet potentials. From the moment we wake up, get dressed, go to class or even drunkenly stumble onto a shuttle bus at 1 a.m., there’s always opportunities to meet strangers and make unique encounters. And there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to hope that one day, I’ll meet someone by happenstance.
Demetria Lucas, my favorite writer, once put the whole waiting theory in perspective.
“In every other aspect of life, women seem to understand that they need to expend some energy. Degrees aren’t handed down; they are earned. Promotions don’t just appear; you strategize to get them. Money doesn’t fall from the sky; you work for it. Meeting high-quality men, dating and marrying are not exceptions to the rule.”
I’m sick of not having anyone to talk to or talk about or spend time with. I’ve told you guys that I’m shy. That shy stuff gets old. I’m ready to work at making things happen for myself – I’m turning 22 in a month, after all. And though the girl from the shuttle and everyone else means well – making things happen won’t work by watching, wishing and waiting.
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.