Part of the excitement of meeting someone new is the endless possibilities. This could be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, or the person who can give you an orgasm from oral, or the person who finally understands all of your obscure pop culture references. Getting swept up in the butterflies and the excitement is a blast, but it can also cloud your judgment and lead you to overlook the signs that the person you’re falling for kind of sucks. Let’s preempt part of the relationship where you’re crying over a bottle of alcohol, listening to your favorite Taylor Swift song and wondering where everything went wrong. Beware of anyone who displays any of these traits.
1. Balks at the idea of getting tested.
It is the most reasonable idea in the world to want the person you’re having sex with to get tested. This is your health at stake. While most common STIs are curable, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking preventative measures to protect yourself. STIs are not just for “dirty” people, and anyone who thinks that way is not deserving of access to your body. Nor is it a matter of trust. There’s plenty of incentive to lie in this situation, and asking for proof is just pragmatism.
2. Shows no interest in your pleasure.
If you’ve been hooking up with someone repeatedly, and they don’t take any of your verbal or nonverbal cues as to what you prefer into consideration, that’s grounds for blacklisting. Being selfish in bed is okay in moderation, but that’s something that is generally earned after a period of time. You’re not just a sex doll for someone else’s consumption – you deserve to orgasm/be satisfied just as much as your partner does.
3. Is cagey about answering important questions.
There’s nothing wrong with asking if the person you’re sleeping with is sleeping with other people. It’s not hyper-clingy or irrational to ask this. While you don’t need to know their names, social security numbers, bra size and favorite New Girl character, it’s definitely relevant to you that someone you’re hooking up with is hooking up with others.
4. Is a little too spontaneous.
So everything’s going really well and you’re both enjoying yourself in the throes of passion and your partner suddenly chokes you out or slaps you or does something else that is generally inappropriate without going for prior consent. While it may not necessarily indicate negative intentions, it’s totally okay to be a little sketched out by it. If they apologize sincerely and acknowledge that they may have crossed a boundary, that’s definitely a great sign. But, if they seem oblivious, that’s totally worrisome.
5. Gets pouty when you assert yourself.
Let’s say you tell someone you don’t want them to play with your boobies, and they keep doing it, and you keep saying no, and then they get all pouty and whiny and rude. That’s not cute. That means that they place their desires over your bodily autonomy, and that right there automatically makes for a less than safe or mutually respectful sexual relationship.
[Lead image via Sergieiev/Shutterstock]