Dear Tuffy Luv,
I suppose I’ll start at the beginning. I met my guy best friend eight months ago. I was recently single and he was a friend of a friend. We were all on a night out and it started off with some very heated make out sessions and a failed date a few days later. It was very clear even then that we are just meant to be friends.
We decided not to talk after the date and about a month later we picked things up again. Everything was fine, we would hang out or go out with our friends and we’ve really gotten to be the best of friends. There’s always been a mutual sense of harmless flirting to our friendship, however, as we are both single. About a week ago, we were texting each other and the typical flirting began. But then the tone changed and we were suddenly sexting! We haven’t spoke about it since but we have seen each other once and there was definitely a sexual tension there.
I have always wondered what it would be like to have sex with him, but I don’t know if I should act on these feelings. I am not attracted to him in any other way, and I value the friendship and wouldn’t want to loose him over a one night (or several night) thing. I know for a fact he feels the same.
Tuffy, what should I do? Help me!
From Confused and Frustrated.
Dear Confused and Frustrated,
Um. What do you mean, you want to have sex with him but you’re “not attracted to him in any other way?” If you always find yourself flirting with him, you’re attracted to him. If you have made out and sexted, you’re attracted to him. And if you “have always wondered what it would be like to have sex with him,” you are definitely attracted to him.
Oh my God, girl, this hurts my brain. Okay, look. Yes, if he was a super best friend of all time then like, yeah, not worth the risk. But this is a guy you have known all of 8 months. I mean, honestly. If it doesn’t work out–what’s the big deal?
I know, I know. You’re gonna be all, “But Tuffyyyyyyy. He’s my besssssstieeeeee.” HONEY. He is NOT your flooping best friend. He’s a FRIEND that started out as a DATE and that you always wonder about having SEX with.
Do yourself a favor. Ask him outright if he wants to try out a friends with benefits thing. The deal is no strings attached, EVER. BUUUUUUT the second one of you starts to feel something, you must IMMEDIATELY talk about it and IMMEDIATELY stop hooking up until you figure it out.
There’s not really all that much at stake here. You guys are on the path to hooking up anyway. Might as well try to foolproof it a little.
Hearts & Skulls,
Ask Tuffy Luv. Or whatever. tuffyluvcc [at] gmail [dot] com