I should start this off by saying I have never seen Parks and Recreation (I know, please forgive me). However, Aziz Ansari did come to my school a couple years ago to do a comedy show, and that was probably the first time I heard about him. In short, he was HILARIOUS. I became the annoying girl who somehow found the correct situations to use his jokes and would not pass up the opportunity to say them. Sorry to my friends that I was studying with in the library!
Anyways, I have always wondered what a comedian’s outlook on love and relationships is. Yes, I know that comedy is just their job, and not their life per se, but I am sure it does influence their personal life, right? After I stumbled upon an interview with Aziz done by the A.V. Club, I think the answer to my question is yes and no!
I was actually shocked by Aziz’s view on love and relationships in this day and age because it was so similar to what I raved and ranted about in my post about how relationships are becoming impersonal and computerized! More importantly, it was so down to earth, and his answers really hit the major things that ALL of us deal with and fear on a daily basis. I felt like the views he expressed were something my best friends would say, not an amazingly funny star and comedian!
In his interview, Aziz talks about how he has been doing a lot of research for his upcoming show, and one of the articles he read talked about how couples experience an intense “passionate love” their first two years of marriage. After the first two years, this “passionate love” morphs into what could be called “companionate love,” which is basically a “less impassioned form of love that is a blend of deep affection and connection.” Aziz summed up the article as further evidence that “love fades.”
So, I can understand where this research is coming from, but it leads me to question, is passionate love more important than companionate love? Can a marriage really not hold together just based on companionate love without passionate love? This is totally reminding me of the movie, “Hope Springs.” Has anyone else ever seen this? Also in the article, the researchers state that surprise was found to be more satisfying than stability in a relationship. This kind of scares me because I start thinking, so are my husband and I going to get bored of each other? This conversation is also reminding me of my Russian Literature class on Anna Karenina where we discussed what exactly is love and what it takes for a marriage to work out.
One last thing about the article Aziz was quoting. It does have an upside (if you can call it that). It says that if couples wait 18 to 20 years until after the children leave, then their “initial bliss” can be rekindled. Hmmm I am not sure if waiting 18 to 20 years is really an upside…
One of my favorite lines from the interview was the following:
“With Buried Alive, my current tour, I started writing the show when friends started getting married and having babies. I had a friend who was really dumb, and him and his wife had a baby, and I was like, ‘What the fuck is going on? This idiot is a father now? What’s going on? I’m an adult now? I’m supposed to get married and have a kid? I’m not ready for that yet! AHHHHHH!’ And from that place, I started writing about how scared I would be to have a baby, how terrifying the idea of marriage was, and how hard it is to find someone you really like.”
Let’s be honest, we have all felt this way sometime in our lives, and should thank Aziz for saying out loud what we couldn’t. Thank you Aziz Ansari.
In short, Aziz, I feel the same way. I was left speechless by the “eloquent” way you phrased my fears. Maybe we should go on a date?