You A Virgin? There’s An App For That *Eyeroll*

There’s a new “Virgin App,” you guys. Hurray. /Sarcasm. “Our app is tailored for teens and young adults who choose to remain abstinent. Whether you’re waiting for marriage or simply until you are old enough to make an adult decision, we want to help.”

I am not making fun of people who choose to wait to have sex. Just like the app says, “It’s your life! It’s your choice!” Perhaps if you are waiting, you may find the pressure to have sex inescapable so maybe an app like this actually can help you. Fine, I will accept that. My problem with the app is its underlying attitude toward sex which is obviously that abstinence is not just an option in regard to one’s sex life but the right option. I think many of us know by now that abstinence only sex education just doesn’t work. Teenagers will have sex if they want to and it’s better that they know about contraceptives and the responsibility of having a sexual partner instead of being shamed or scared into trying to hold onto their virginities as long as possible when all they really want is to bone Harry Styles.

The app cost $.99, which I guess is the price you have to pay to be a virgin. Never mind the fact that virginity is an archaic idea that was invented to oppress women and make people ashamed of their bodies. When you have sex, you “lose” your virginity. When you have sex someone “takes” your virginity. The idea that you lose a part of yourself (the innocent, pure, holy part of yourself) when you have sex is absurd. Having sex does not make you a different person unless you psychosomatically believe you are a different person but you can convince yourself you’re a cat these days if you are so inclined.

Let’s get to this app’s features. The app has an ‘Educate Yourself’ section. According to the site, “It’ll educate you in areas such as relationships, friendships, STIs and much more.” Yes, I am sure it will tell you that if you have sex, you will get chlamydia and die. The video section contains “Abstinence PSAs and inspirational videos” that will surely brainwash you. The inspirational stories feature is so that you can, “Share your stories about overcoming obstacles or just your strength with others. This section is meant to bring people together to let them know that they aren’t alone in their daily battles.” Now you can brainwash strangers on the internet too!

Look, I know what you’re thinking, the app is about abstinence so they’re supposed to be promoting abstinence. The app is supposed to be helping young people decide when they should have sex as they claim in their education section, “No one else can tell you when you’re ready to have sex, and this section might help you make your final decision.”  How can they make an educated decision when they only have some of the facts? Instead of being pressured into having sex, they’re being pressured into not having sex and pressure coming from anywhere just isn’t helpful. While I think the intentions are good because they want to help young people who would otherwise choose to be celibate if there wasn’t peer pressure, it would be fundamentally more useful to provide more balanced information. I suppose it isn’t called “The Virgin App” for nothing.



    1. Brittany says:

      I'm pretty sure the creators of the app tout the idea of abstinence as being the right option because its users FEEL like their decision is the right one and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. This app isn't cramming it down non-users' throats that abstinence is right but it does wants users to feel like they're making the right decision for them. Nothing wrong with that.

      Maybe some people believed in abstinence to hold women back but there are a great many people who believe in abstinence because of other reasons. Maybe they only want to be with one person their entire lives like my completely unreligious friend from high school who comes from a family of unreligious people. She has been with one guy and they are engaged and she is thankful he’s the only person she’s been with. I can also tell you, after being married for 3 years, that my husband was a virgin and I most definitely was on the other end of the spectrum when we met and I sincerely wish I had waited. After being married to someone who has only been with me my eyes have been opened as to why waiting until marriage isn’t a bad idea. He has next to no interest in other women and was actually nervous about having sex with me because of all my experience. Sex with me will always be amazing to him because I have always been the only one for him and I'm scared that someday I'm going to get bored, like I did in past relationships, because I know how different sex can be and he’s still working on figuring out what he likes and wants to try. Sex can make relationships that much more uncomfortable, complicated or difficult, particularly if/when they end. If I hadn't had sex before getting married, I would have suffered way less heartbreak than I did. The boyfriend who broke up with me (before I started having sex) because I wasn't ready hurt me WAY less than the guy who I had sex with and broke up with me a month or two later simply because we just weren’t working out.

      You seem to have no clue about the actual content but you have automatically made up your mind that they're brainwashing customers who willingly PAY to receive that kind of information. I applaud the creators of this app for helping support teens who make the decision to wait and I think you should feel bad for basically telling those customers that they are brainwashed and their decision is unnatural because everyone should or will eventually have sex before they’re ready or before marriage. Maybe that’s not what you’re trying to get at but that’s sort of the message I pulled away from this. I respect that we have differing opinions on waiting but you seem to be attacking a program that doesn't match up with your beliefs without any merit for doing so.

      1. emeraldgritty says:

        I am pretty sure I responded to all your points (which are valid) in the post. Like I said, I think this could be helpful to people who have already made their minds up and that I wasn't making fun of people who want to remain celibate. I was only weary (albeit sarcastically) about people who looked to the app to help them make their decision about whether or not to wait because it doesn't provide well-rounded information. As the app says, it wants to help people make the correct decision but how can it when it is one-sided?

      2. Brittany says:

        But how do you know it's one-sided? That aside, the app doesn't claim to be for people looking to make a choice – it claims to be trying to help people who have already made it. So even if it is one-sided, it's sorta kinda built like that on purpose and it tells you so in the description.

        I know your article started out with saying you weren't trying to mock people who don't want to have sex but it seemed like someone saying, "No offense but . . ." Whatever they say is totally going to be offensive and adding a safety net like that doesn't change it. Your sarcasm basically made a mockery out of an application that the users seem to really enjoy and even some readers are happy to hear about. The app clearly states that it wants to support people who are dealing with pressure so there's no sense in you telling them that app is silly and ineffective.

    2. Tamara says:

      While I agree that the idea of virginity traditionally has been an idea that dictates a woman's worth, I feel like this app is refreshing in that as a virgin and a pretty informed feminist, my friends all respect my decision to wait but they don't understand why I would want to. They encourage me to have sex when I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable with it. What we do with our butt holes and other sexy spots is up to our own discretion, its nice to have a community of people who understand what it's like to want to wait for various reasons.

    3. its nice to have a community of people who understand what it's like to want to wait for various reasons.

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