Have you ever noticed that when someone is bragging about their great sex life, they always talk about the quantity of sex they’re having? Like, “I have such an amazing sex life – I get to bone my hot boyfriend like five times a day. God, I love having so much sex.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to have a ton of sex. Everyone has a different libido, and if yours is high, and you have a partner who is also into it, that’s awesome. That’s one less potential conflict to deal with in a relationship. But I personally don’t feel like a rewarding sex life automatically equals an abundance of sex.
I like sex. It’s fun, it’s pleasurable, and I love that I’m in a place where I can have physical intimacy without it raising my anxiety levels or generally rattle my psyche like it used to. I like that as I’ve been getting more in shape, sex has gotten even better. However, I’m no longer interested in having it all that often. I used to not understand why it was a stereotype that once women got into a long-term relationship, they stopped wanting to have sex as often. And…now I get it. I don’t necessarily believe it’s a gendered thing, but I will admit – when I first started dating my boyfriend, a lot of the time I was driven to have sex out of a need for a) validation that he found me attractive and b) the paranoia that at any moment, we could drift apart and I would no longer have access to a penis. Oh, the insecure girl’s struggle!
Now that neither of those things are of concern to me anymore, I’m definitely a lot more lackadaisical in my desire to have sex. I appreciate sex kind of like how I appreciate macaroni and cheese or cake – something amazing, but not something I feel compelled to indulge in every day. Granted, the effects of having sex daily are a lot less detrimental than inhaling calorie-bombs every day, but…well, I’m kind of lazy, so sometimes I’m just not up for nookie.
Not to mention that if you do anything a lot, statistically speaking, there are some instances where it’s going to be kind of lame. Back in my “Sure, I’m up for boning 3 times a day” days, some of the romps were less great than others. Sometimes it was because I was super sore, and I’m just not into the whole “pain is pleasure” thing. Sometimes it was because I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering and I just couldn’t fully immerse myself in the moment. So really, that period in my life where I was having a huge quantities of sex that sometimes was “eh” is really no better than this current era where sure, I’m not open for business 24/7, but (to continue this gross metaphor), during my limited hours, I provide excellent service. Now, I only have sex with I’m physically comfortable and mentally and emotionally in a good place. While there’s nothing at all wrong with having consensual sex under different circumstances, I have the luxury of choosing to be selective as I want to, and I love taking advantage of that.
[Lead image via auremar/Shutterstock]