How Much Do Guys Expect on the First Date? [Ask a Dude]

Dear Dude,

I feel like I’ve read so much on this topic, but can’t seem to get a straight answer. I’ve been out on first dates with guys who barely go in for a kiss at the end of the night, and others who can’t seem to get my clothes off fast enough. Generally speaking, though, how much do guys expect on a first date?


Amelia Pond

Dear Amelia Pond,

You are the winner for my favorite sign-off name of all time, hands down, bar none, congratulations. For this you win a straight answer to a direct question.

What does a guy expect at the end of a first date? If it’s going well, he wants at least a kiss. From there I’d say it’s a combination of chemistry and alcohol blood levels.

Part of the issue you’re dealing with comes with the fact that some dudes are freakin’ shameless when it comes to the lean-in and others that act like friggin’ Piglet, leaving it more up to you to initiate. There’s no industry standard on protocol because we are all like snowflakes. Or DNA. Or Time Lords. None of us are the same and none of us have the same inclination or level of confidence for this set of circumstances.

When I was in high school, I was the kind who’d have been too shy to try something without some kind of blatant “Go ahead” signal from the base coach (the girl). As I got more experience and more confident that changed a bit and I got more comfortable. It’s sometimes a matter of maturing.

On the other hand, how’s the date actually going? If it’s really great then you could count on a more enthused course of action. On the other hand, if it’s just so-so and there’s not necessarily a guaranteed 2nd date in his foreseeable future, then he might be a little more “let’s try this and see what it’s like.” Of course, then there’s the scenario where the date’s going as smooth as barbed wire from the view inside his headspace, which leads to a lackluster end of the night performance.

So there you have it. The bottom line according to old Stone Cold is if the date’s not a complete piece of trash then he’s expectin’ you’ll at least give his lips a test drive. Now just cause that’s what he’s expecin’, don’t mean that’s what you can give him. You make up your own and give him a smooch or open a can of whoop ass, that all depends on what you’re expectin’.

Arrived, Raised Hell, leaving,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]



    1. Chatty Kathy says:

      OR, you could look at it this way – When a date is going well, and the guy is into you/could see it being an actual relationship, he wont go for the gold. He'll be respectful, give you a kiss at the end of the night, and plan a second date with you. If a guy can tell it wouldnt go anywhere, or he couldn't see himself seriously dating you, he might try to go farther becasue he thinks if all else fails, he might as well get a hookup out of it.

      You're right, everyone's different when it comes to first dates. But as a general rule, dont give up too much on the first date because even if the guy thought it could go somewhere, he may re-evaluate that based on your actions.

    2. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

    3. Liz says:

      Huh, I've always thought that you should make the guy wait until at least the third date to get a kiss. With two of my exes, I made them wait until the third and fifth date to get a kiss. I think that that heightened the feeling of "the chase" for them. But, by the same token, they are my exes now, so who knows, maybe the first date kiss is the way to go.

    4. lgseccionph says:

      Guys expects to have a first kiss on firs date.

    5. jessica says:

      Very interesting breakdown, indeed. It’s nice to have such information available in one location and some ideas for new and different directions to take to help one stand out.

    6. Karl says:

      In this day age age, men and women seem to want to hit the hay on the first or second date. If your looking for a quality relationship not based on sex, don't expect anything on the first date. The first date is an introduction to a possible lifetime of friendship. You want a woman who'll be your friend that will eventually be your lover, your wife and finally a companion. Take it slow, cool your hormones, (they aren't going anywhere) and wait. If she is pushing you to have sex within a very short time of meeting, you may want to move on and find someone who is more interested in you than interested in hitting the hayloft. And if you say 'no, it's too early,' the truth may come out that she is more of a flirt than a friend, which means that if you have any guy friends she'll be looking to them when your not around. Also, if she loves to drink hard liquor all the time, she's not for you, move on. But if your looking for sex right away, hey, your in luck, we are living in the days of let it all hang out age.

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