Where Are All The Hot Girls During Winter?

By The Dude

There’s a certain phenomenon that happens on the first warm day of the year: The streets are filled with absolutely stunningly beautiful women. Ask any guy, he’ll say the same thing: “It’s like they’ve been hibernating and have come back!” Note the boyish glee in his voice, the rosy tint to his cheeks, and maybe the faintest glint of a tear in his eye (certainly a twinkle in his pants).

The question so many men ask themselves, hopefully not out loud, is: “Where were they?”

The answer is that you’ve all been under sweaters and parkas and overcoats and boots and sweatpants and baggy pants. You’ve never been hiding. You’ve been like everyone else, f*cking cold! And dressing appropriately. What does that say about us guys?

That we are a visual oriented subspecies that have some kind of a magnetic draw to low-cut, short-sleeved tops and skirts. T&A and legs really are what captures our attention. I mean, you all didn’t disappear, right? You don’t just skip town for 3 months out of the year when it gets chilly. You’ve been here ALL ALONG.

If a guy does spot one of you walking scantily clad when it is below 40 degrees outside, odds are we’ve spotted someone that probably makes poor choices or at least was making one before they left their, well, domicile.. Which may work in some men’s favor and others would be wise to steer clear of said individuals, case by case basis, of course.

What shocks me is that what this means is that men don’t seem to take as much notice of a woman’s face. Even I, a self-proclaimed “face man”, note the change when it gets warm outside and my brain has the same thoughts as all the rest of my gender. It’s not a point of pride but it is something of a reality.

Do you, ladies, have the same thought when it first gets warm? Are there suddenly a plenitude of hot guys that didn’t exist before March 21st? Please, let me know, I’d be very interested to hear where you come down on this “phenomenon.” Because I haven’t necessarily gotten this sense. Which leads me to believe I’m partaking in an unfair and crappy double-standard.

Where do all the hot girls go during winter? Nowhere. You’ve all been around. We just don’t taken enough time to appreciate you. For that, I’d like to offer an apology for my own personal lack of awareness.

Welcoming Spring,

The Dude

[Lead image via Alexey Tsiprianovich/Shutterstock]