Poetry, Naked Art, and A Man Fight: Just Another Episode of the Bachelorette

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JAMES, MICHAEL, CHRIS, DESIREE HARTSOCK

For the first time this season, we actually have an interesting episode! I had all but given up on Des and her predictable, boring dates — but after the fun drama, lots of tears, and Zak W. looking dreamy in tighty whiteys — I am recommitted.

Just a quick break down of the first two dates, before we get into the yummy drama of the day.

Now, I know that they say this all the time, and they even said it about Atlantic City — but Barcelona IS the best place to fall in love. I was nostalgic and giddy just watching them in this city that I love so very much. Having been there, in this beautiful city and these gorgeous, romantic streets and sounds and views — I totally get why Drew took Des running down the street for one big ol’ make out sesh. I thought that he was gay (I mean that very honestly), but he killed that kiss! It was nice to see him forego the same stupid, boring date we’ve seen on every singe episode this season, and have a little love session in the streets.

Then we get another group athletic date blah blah blah. What is it about men and group sports counting as a date? It’s just not really a date. However, this soccer game was well worth it just to see James so very frightened of the soccer balls.

Chris and Des write each other some more poems, and they are horrifying. But I can totally see this relationship. Des is not the brightest bulb in the box– I think we all know this. She lives in this little small ball of happiness where she can do no wrong (I think this translates from this show to real life), and she’s happy being in this bubble. I think Chris would also be happy to live in this bubble with her, where they could read poetry to each other all night and discuss how athletic they both are, and how good they are “at stuff.”

Zak W. is my new favorite, because he took a sketching class and made it so entertaining and enjoying to watch. Also, his body is out of control. I think he’s the only one of these guys I like! It just took seeing him in undies to persuade me.

Now… For the good stuff. James Drama!

I have never seen drama like this on the Bachelor franchise. And that is saying a lot. The guys debated all night on who should tell Des about James, when they should tell her, how she’ll take it, who is going to tell. They are preparing themselves for this like I’ve never seen before– all rallying together around the James Cause. Of course, as soon as they confront him, James explodes, dropping F bombs all around and he denies, denies, denies. I’m not sure I’d act any differently if 4 dudes cornered me and confronted me, and told me they were going to use this information to break up my relationship.

For those of you who don’t watch the show (why are you reading this post?), basically James said, if I don’t get picked and I make it to the top 4 I can be the Bachelor. Also, I love girls on boats in Chicago.

I don’t know, I’m just not that mad about this.

This season is all about being here for the reasons (if you drink every time you hear them say this, you get white girl wasted). But what I can’t understand is why people continue to be surprised. Nobody goes on this show knowing they are going to find love, you couldn’t possibly. These people are risking their jobs, leaving their children– it’s not all for love, it can’t be. That would be a little silly. So, acknowledging that you’re also going to gain some publicity and maybe continue your “career” in reality television, isn’t the worst thing. I think the love is something that hits you unexpectedly, nobody goes there expecting to find it. James handled this like a baby, and, surprise, another grown ass man cried this week, but I don’t think he was totally in the wrong here.

In the end, Des sends James home, but I think it was more about the fact that he had under-boob sweat than him mentioning being The Bachelor. And I can now say with 100% certainty, that he will never be the next Bachelor. But I totally see him and Ben on Bachelor Pad and I’ll watch it.

And one final note… We’ll miss you Juan Pablo.

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