Ah, growing up. In every young woman’s life, there comes a time when she must become acquainted with the special lady doctor: the gynecologist. Whether it’s because you went all the way with that cute boy or girl your parents hated…
Or because your pediatrician was finally like,
The time had come for you to set out on your journey.
You VERY CALMLY called to make an appointment.
But really you were like:
In the days before your appointment, you realized that you didn’t really know what to expect. So of course, you turned to the internet.
You read the “pelvic exam” pages on WebMD, the Mayo Clinic, and Wikipedia, and, and and….
You also followed all the links (rookie mistake), and became convinced you had about 10 million different diseases.
But like it or not, it’s time. You show up at the doctor’s office…
And fill out a million forms.
After waiting forever, a nurse comes to take you back to the exam room. When she tells you to take off your clothes and put on that awful gown, you’re like:
Is it just you, or is this exam room freezing?
Finally, the doctor comes in. She asks you how many people you’ve had sex with in the last year:
You suddenly get a terrible case of verbal diarrhea and blurt out a bunch of questions really, really quickly.
Then she asks you to get into position so she can start the exam.
And tries to chat casually with you while getting really, really intimate. Not to mention causing you considerable physical discomfort.
But if she stops talking, you’re like, SAY SOMETHING.
It feels like it’s been ages:
And you’ve experienced a whole lot of poking and prodding in ways you never thought possible.
But finally, it’s OVER. You’re ready to be like:
But you stay cool (maybe too cool?).
After all, it is a rite of passage. Nervous? Hell no, you weren’t.
And then you leave with whatever small shred of dignity you have left.
Garnet is a recent graduate of Columbia University. She is “that person” who starts dancing at a party when everyone else is standing around, and if there were a Facebook stalking Olympics, she would be a gold medalist. She also loves cheesy 90s music, and almost died of happiness when Vanilla Ice retweeted her. Once. Support her internet addiction @garnethenderson.
[Lead image via dabjola/Shutterstock]