12 Things No One Told Me About Being A Lady

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There are just some things no one ever tells you about the female experience. When I was a little girl I thought what defined my status as a girl and not a boy was having longer hair and no dongle. As we get older we learn that being a lady presents all kinds of bodily differences and socially constructed issues we must face as women. One thing I did not anticipate as a girl was that being female influenced how people perceived me and affected what they thought I should do.

Aristotle is considered one of history’s greatest thinkers, so of course he had great things to say about women! LOL JK. “The female is, as it were, a deformed male, and the menstrual fluids are semen, only not pure; i.e. it lacks one constituent, and one only, the principle of soul,”  are just some of Aristotle’s thoughts. Women are just impure, deformed versions of men because we bleed once a month. Never mind our menstrual cycle is what creates human life but you know I am just a defective male ’cause my penis didn’t come in.

If supposedly the smartest men who have ever farted a pondering can’t see women for what they really are: fully-rounded, sentient beings who happen to have different bodies, then surely we  shouldn’t have expected school, parents and TV to fully inform us on what was going to happen when we got older. Thus, I present 12 things no one ever told me being a lady was like.

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