He Seems Into Me But Why Won’t He Make A Move? [Ask A Dude]
Hi genius dude,
So I’ve had this one guy friend for about two years now, and this past year I developed an insane crush on him. However, I’m yet to know how he feels about me. I’ve picked up on all the signs everyone says to look for in a guy that’s interested in you. Aka he always makes an effort to talk to me, makes eye contact and holds it (for very, very long moments in time), and always teases and is super touchy and flirty with me. Thing is I feel like no matter how many hints I put out there that I want him to make a move, he refuses to ever do so, therefore I’m ever so confused as to where he stands and how he feels about me. (Is he even thinking when he flirts with me or is this all just a friendly relationship and nothing more?)
I made it kind of obvious this year that I was into him, however he told one of my friends that he’d rather not hook up with me and ruin our friend group “dynamic”. But overall what I don’t understand is — is he interested but just scared to make a move, or if he just plain not-interested and I should give up? He’s always giving me mixed signals, so I’m afraid that if I do make a move, he will deny me and then our friend group will actually be doomed for good.
Please help me out here. I feel like I’m trying to solve a puzzle with my eyes closed!
Dear Seriously confused,
No wonder you’re feeling discombobulated (awesome word that no one ever uses anymore). There’s no mistaking that you’re trapped in a riddle wrapped up in an enigma but fear not, citizen, I think I’ve got your answer for you:
If a guy’s really interested, then he’ll let you know and there won’t be two ways about it.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some shy guys out there who can’t make a move. They’re frustrating to deal with, but if he’s interested enough and knows that you also have the hots for him? He’ll make it crystal that he’s into you.
Now, I’m not saying he isn’t into now, just probably not enough to do anything about it. Which means you should get, as the great Ray Charles used to sing, “movin’ on.” You’ve played the “does he/doesn’t he” game long enough. Don’t give up, just don’t let yourself be consumed by this crush or it will pound you into crumbs.
There are some people who flirt by default. That’s just how they understand how to socialize. They don’t always mean to lead on, they just can’t retrain themselves. Which leads to a lot of mixed signals for some people on the other end of it. They’re just flirts. Doesn’t make them bad people, just makes them people who flirt. Bless their hearts, we all could use a bit of practice and an ego boost. I’m not saying your boy here falls headfirst into that category but he might.
The tricky part comes from you being friends. It’s hard not to blur the lines when you’re friends with someone you find attractive or have a little interest in. “I have a little thing for her but we’re such good friends, I don’t want to mess that up.” Translation: “Not THAT interested.” Sucks.
Bottom line is that no matter how interested he may or may not be you need to stop driving yourself crazy over this crush. You can’t force something. You can’t make him overcome his doubts. You can’t control what he’ll do. You have to make a move, either on him or in a different direction.
Once you free yourself from the chains of this crush allowing for other opportunities and connections, you’re going to be surprised how ludicrous this all will seem when you look back on it. You’ve got the right to not be a slave to mixed signals, so undo your shackles and welcome back to feeling like you’re the one in control of your life.
Don’t hate the playa, hate the game,
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]