I try not to judge others’ sexual proclivities, I really don’t. But every time I hear someone refer to the guy they’re dating or interested in as “daddy”, I can’t help but cringe. It’s one of those things that just doesn’t sit well with me at all. I used to toy with the idea of busting it out during sex with my boyfriend because, I don’t know, too much Cosmo as an impressionable adolescent? But every time I would get close, the word would just get stuck in my mouth and I could not, for the life of me, force it out. Which is totally for the best because later on, he established that he’s not at all turned on by that. As submissive as I can be sexually, I draw the line at infantilizing myself, and I can’t help but be disturbed by the implications of that.
I have no issues with submissive traits in general. I’m no stranger to feigning naivete and inexperience or showering my lover with excessive compliments on how his sexual prowess and penis are unparalleled. I understand the thrill of setting someone on a sexual pedestal and finding it exciting that they deign to bless you with their amazingness. But for some reason, in a “daddy” scenario, where the submissive person is essentially taking the “child” role, I’m disturbed by the implications of a certain level of….helplessness or ignorance that is the antithesis of sexy to me. I realize that’s totally irrational, because between two consenting adults, the submissive person is still totally in power, and of course, if they aren’t related, there’s no actual incest going on, but I just can’t get into any inkling of incest or child/adult play. The implied power dynamics are just too stark for me.
Not to mention, if I were to call a man “daddy”, he’d have to be a very specific type of gentleman. He’d have to be financially stable, wordly, mature, attractive in that dapper older man kind of way, and he’d have to assert his dominance very subtly. I have never encountered a man who possesses all of those qualities in an appealing package to me. I’m really not into the guys I often see identified as “daddy” types – the ones who assert their dominance by dismissively calling women females and wearing thin sweatpants with no underwear. Like, no. What am I supposed to do with that?
Regardless, despite my personal disdain, I totally support all of you who have graduated from the Lana Del Rey School of Contrived Childlike Ignorance. If you’re into older men, or like to call your completely age-appropriate lover “daddy”, live your life. How you choose to get off is not really up for debate. We’ve all got kinks that would be derided by other people. Part of the fun of sex is exploring and subverting taboos in a safe and intimate environment, so there’s no shame in taking full advantage of that.