True Life: I Don’t Know How to Respond to Sexytime Selfies [Diary of the Undateable]

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undateable

The dating gods were obviously looking down on me when Max, a 20-year-old part-time student-slash-rocker-slash-Hill intern, reached out to me on OkCupid around the Fourth of July. He was like an oasis to the dating desert I’ve been stuck in, especially after my catfish chronicle. The night he messaged me, we talked about music and art, and he even linked me to his indie rock band’s music video that surprisingly didn’t suck. We Skyped a few hours later and I was pleasantly surprised to see that he looked even better than his pictures. I went to bed confident in the fact that I’d finally met a promising and normal guy and that I’d actually go out on a date soon and really see fireworks.

Sadly, he wasn’t the most attentive guy after our video chat – mostly check-in texts and dry back and forth convo. Nothing special at all…until he sent me the ill-fated “send me a pic” message. I know that I vowed to myself that I’d never send a pic when a guy asked me to…but I folded like a cheap lawn chair at a barbeque. I don’t know why. Nah. I’m lying. I do know why…because he was super cute, super available and I was super desperate. Plus we had already seen each other…he said he wanted the pic for his contacts. So nbd.

I sent him one of my favorite shots from a recent bathroom photoshoot and asked him to send one back to me. ONE, ladies and gents. He went above and beyond and sent me like, 1200. “Max at work,” he described of a shot showing off his suit and tie attire. “Everyday Max,” he captioned a couple of casual snapshots of him behind the wheel and at home. I didn’t think much of his 50 Shades of Selfies as I walked into work and complimented him. But I almost lost my composure in front of a few customers when I received his next set of pics. Pictures of him with his – well – shirt off. Really hot pictures of him with his shirt off. Pictures of his chiseled washboard abs and tattoos…with his shirt off. I was at a loss for emojis. I didn’t know if he wanted me to send something steamy back. All I knew was that a) I was entering dangerous territory and b) I hated the fact that I kind of liked it.

Since it’s summer, I guess that guys just have a lot of time and camera roll space on their hands because my girls have been telling me similar selfie stories. Guys will send all of these sensual snapshots without warning and we just don’t know what to do with them (besides sharing the love). In this day and age of the screenshot, you’d think that they’d know a lot better. But I’ve heard tales of conversational sexting shifts, Snapchat requests and unwarranted below the belters. And the response has been the same across the board…we don’t know how to respond. Positive feedback could lead to an influx of unwarranted inbox action or the chance of him asking for reciprocity. An unenthused response could make him feel self-conscious and send him away. There’s really no happy medium.

After a few minutes and a little back and forth internal debate, I decided on a neutral-but-cute “Nice! Love your ink.” I thought that it was flirty without being freaking. But I guess it rubbed him the wrong way…I haven’t heard from him since he showered me with selfies. Sigh. Another one bites the dust.

CollegeCandy, how should I respond to a sexytime selfie in the future?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

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