As we grow older, we’re bound to deal with very grown up situations within the world of dating. I mean, that is if you’re actually getting dates. Some of us – namely me – are still struggling with emoji use and “haha!” vs. “LOL” in texts while others – like my girls – have more pressing matters to deal with. Take my dear friend Tranessa who’s experimenting with OkCupid down in Atlanta.
ATL has sweeter guys who actually believe in courting – getting to know you genuinely and taking you out on real dates before moving forward with anything serious. She’s had some awesome nights out so far, and thought that she had met the man of her dreams when a guy named Max messaged her on a Tuesday night. She didn’t hesitate to give him her number after they exchanged a few messages – they really clicked. After a few days of texts and hour-long phone calls, they were headed to happily ever after…or at least a Saturday night date. But he dropped a bomb on her that transformed their budding Georgia peach-sweet love story into sour grapes.
They were in the middle of a conversation when he ever-so-casually mentioned his one-month-old son.
“Yeah, I’m going to see my son after we hang up. What, I didn’t tell you? I just had a baby about a month ago. Broke up with my girlfriend right beforehand. Nah, I don’t live with her. I do have a roommate, though. And I only see my son about once a week. So what are we doing this weekend?”
Naturally, she was shocked. You can’t just tell someone something like that and return to your regularly scheduled programming. The issue, according to her, was that he didn’t mention his son sooner and in a more direct manner. And also, wtf…shouldn’t he be getting to know the fruit of his loins rather than trying to find a new boo? She did end up accepting his date offer, but their relationship fizzled soon after.
My friends who have dated young fathers warn me to stay away for various reasons. Of course, they talk about the baby mama drama and the heavy baggage. But they also say that there will always be these emotional back-and-forths that no one in their twenties deserves to go through. Fighting for time and attention from him when he has to give it to his child. Worrying about playing mommy when you’re already worried about class, internships and work. Stressing out about taking up too much of his time that should go to his family…and feeling selfish about it.
Max is obviously a special case…a douchebag who’s rebounding when he should really be focused on getting to know his firstborn son instead of riding off into the sunset with a new girl. But there are other Maxes in the universe that we, the single constituency, might run into in the years to come. While I don’t think that I’d rule out dating a guy with a child, the fears that my friends express and have experienced are legitimate enough for me to tread lightly.
So CollegeCandy ladies…would you date a guy who has kids? Why or why not?
When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.