Do You Expect Dudes To Pay On Dates?

I was at a dinner party the other day and everyone I knew got to talking about whether guys should pay up on the first date or even every date. I was surprised at how many guys and girls expected the dude to pay. It seems like an archaic expectation to me. It made sense back in the day that the male party would have to pay because women weren’t really allowed to work. Now that we ladies are the future HBICs (Head Bitches In Charge) of the world, it doesn’t really make sense that we anticipate guys will “take care” of us, right?

I think a lot of guys expect/like it because it’s sort of an ego thing. It feels nice to be able to take care of somebody else. However if it’s a nice feeling, shouldn’t everyone be allowed to feel it? It also seems unfair because you never know what someone’s financial situation is, especially when it comes to people our age and in this economy. What if you made more than the dude? Is it really fair that he shells out all the cash?

I personally like when things are more equal and the parties take turns or just split the bill. (Like, someone gets dinner, the other person gets the movie.)  I am an independent person and it’s difficult for me to accept money or gifts from someone I barely know which is presumably the situation on a first date. Plus, I think it’s sort of hypocritical of me to critique the unfair ways women are treated because of sexism then expect special treatment on a date because I am chick.

If we keep having these random, gendered expectations . . . it just makes me wonder what a same-sex couple does on the first date? If it’s two guys or two girls: then what? I know a lot of people go by the rule, if you were the one who asked then you pay, which sounds totally fine.

There’s not really any wrong or right answer to this because I believe in dating  and relationships two people (or three people, hey!) are allowed to make whatever rules and set whatever boundaries they want. Lots of people like fulfilling traditional roles and feel most comfortable and happy that way. From the conversation I had the other day, I was just surprised to see it was so many people.

What do you think? Should guys pay on the first date? Or . . . ?

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  1. Molly - UNL says:

    With Stephen, he asked me out and we went bowling and then to a bar to hear a local band play. He payed for the bowling and most of my drinks at the bar, but he was totally okay with me purchasing him a drink or two as well. Now that we've been together for a while though, it's just whoever happens to have their wallet out at the time. It's pretty 50/50.

  2. Skye says:

    Yes a guy should pay for a first date. Presuming it is a date, and he asked you to a certain place of his choice. It boggles my mind that women would insist on even THINKING of paying and here is why.
    Men like courting, they have been doing it for CENTURIES. When you take away that simple gesture, you take away the whole fun of it. It emasculates them, and no longer feels like a date. I challenge any guy reading this to tell me otherwise. Tell me that after you court a woman on a date and she flashes a genuine smile of appreciation with a big thank you, that that doesn't make you happy? Take that away ladies, and you might not be getting a second "date"

    If you must push this new notion of woman have the same rights and all that jazz, offer to leave tip. 9 times out of 10 they wont let you anyway, but its a much better compromise to this 50/50 bs. ESPECIALLY ON A (FIRST) DATE. Can we get off our feminist high horse already? Please.

  3. Catherine says:

    In my experience, if a guy is really into a girl, he will insist on paying. He will also have done the asking–every guy I've ever talked to says he would never just not ask a girl out if he liked her, and they say asking them out comes off as pretty desperate. They may say yes, but they're not that into her. And if he asked, he should definitely pay.

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