When we have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, it’s hard to believe in anything good. We morph into these grumpy, moody people with dark clouds hanging over our heads. There is no hope for better days. There is no faith that things can look up. It seems like life just won’t give us a break. Truth be told, I’ve been feeling this way for a few days. I have been absolutely cloaked in doubt. This doubt just sits at the bottom of my stomach, like a heavy weight that bogs me down from being positive and inspired. I could blame my anxiety. I could blame God. I could blame anyone and everyone, but in the end, this doubt is my cross to bear. It’s my problem to fix.
I’ve learned that, for me personally, having faith in strangers is a lot easier than retaining faith in those close to me. I have a hard time giving people the benefit of the doubt—especially those who I love deeply. I realize this makes little to no sense. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were having an off day. We couldn’t agree on anything, and our respective grumpy moods were not meshing well together at all. I took his tired mind and “blah” mood to mean that he was tired of me. There was that weight—that heavy doubt at the bottom of my stomach made me so uneasy that tears came to my eyes. Why was I so quick to believe that one bad mood was doomsday? Why did I doubt his love? Why couldn’t I just whole-heartedly believe in what we had and not fixate on this isolated incident?
I tried my best to explain my lack of faith and looming doubts while he explained how much my doubt offended him and hurt his feelings. As I thought deeper about my lack of faith, I realized that it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with myself. I had all the faith in the world for him. It was me that I was doubtful of. I questioned everything about myself. Could I keep up with being the “perfect girlfriend” for him? Could I stay desirable and interesting and worthwhile? I wasn’t sure. There was the problem. I was lacking faith in myself as a woman, as a girlfriend, as a person. I knew that in order for our relationship to keep growing and for me to find happiness in my own life, I needed to regain my confidence and faith.
We should all put our faith in something. You may have faith in a higher power. You can put your faith in God. Or Jesus. Or Buddah. Or Allah. You can put your faith in your parents. Your therapist, your friends, your dog—you get the point. Having faith in others is important, but it’s not as important as having faith in yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe you’re worthy. Believe you can accomplish and achieve and be something really great. If you don’t believe in who you are, there isn’t much reason for others to. Ditch that doubt, and feel the faith. Faith brings happiness. Faith brings hope. Faith brings passion and promise and optimism. Now go put on some George Michael and jam out. (I hope that reference isn’t lost on you guys or else I will feel old. Please don’t make me feel old.)
Katie recently finished her undergrad at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois. She enjoys wasting hours on Facebook and tweeting things no one cares about. When asked the question, “Do you do marathons?” She promptly responds, “Of course! Which show?” Follow her @KatieGarrity! Or read her personal blog where she talks incessantly about Ryan Gosling and hummus here!