Is His Excuse to Break Up With Me Total BS? [Ask A Dude]

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    Posted in Dating, Guys, Love

askadude

Dear dude,

If a guy breaks it off with you suddenly after two years and tells you he has family issues, this is bullcrap right? Everyone has issues in life its still no reason or excuse to push people away then he texts every now and again but would take sometimes days to reply which is just plain rude. How does one handle this?

Signed,

Confused group of females

Dear Confused group of females,

If a guy breaks it off suddenly after two years because of family issues the odds are it’s not a decision he’s made in the moment.

You’re absolutely right that going through pain is no excuse for becoming a douchebag. Just because you’re going through issues doesn’t give you a pass to treat other people, especially people you claim to care about, like they’re secondhand jeans. If you get a phone call, f*cking find 30 f*cking seconds to call them back. Sure, maybe you don’t want to talk or aren’t up to a long bout of small talk but that’s what you tell them! Be honest about the fact that you’re not going to be easily reachable and that you need some space. Done! You’re set! Just don’t suddenly take a week to reply to a text when you clearly got it 10 seconds after it was sent. If you forgot or missed it, then okay you’re human and that crap happens. Ignoring people because you’re in a bad mood makes you a douchebag. Rant rendered, bitches.

Now onto how you handle said douchy behavior: you can reach out and chew ‘em a new asshole or you can just ignore them and move on. When they’re able and willing and wanting, if they ever are, to apologize and make peace then that’ll be the day. Until then you can just not participate in the “bullcrap.”

Feeding into BS creates more BS. It is enabling them to keep up with their behavior. You hold the trump card: boycott the BS. That’s one thing you can do. The other is to reach out and let them know that while you care, you’re also getting hurt by his behavior. It might not change anything on his side of the fence but it will give you a bit of closure. Just accept that this course of action is done more for your sake than for his.

Of course you care if he’s in trouble. Congratulations, you qualify for a cherry chocolate cupcake (f*ck, I now want a chocolate cherry cupcake!). Do respect though that while you can deal with your issues in a mature, strong, “keep calm and bugger on” kind of way that he might not have that kind of strength. We all deal with our issues in different ways and not all of them are productive.

A lot of us take out our depressive episodes out on the people we’re closest with. Doesn’t make it right but it is a reality. It’s forgivable in the long run but still damaging in the short-term. It’s not a noble course of action but in general it’s one that comes from shame and wanting to self-punish emotionally. He’s creating distance between you two to make you mad and to get you to show you care. At least that’s the hypothesis I’m gonna go with.

Family issues. Hard to disprove or dispute. Is it all total crap? Can’t say definitely if the answer is yes or no. But you can take from his behavior that he’s treated you like crap and that’s not acceptable, no matter what he’s going through.

Fight or flight, two options, I suggest the latter.

Live long and prosper,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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