What Do Guys Find Intimidating About Women? [Ask A Dude]

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askadude

Hi Dude!

What does it mean when a guy says you’re intimidating? A good guy friend of mine I’ve known for years, we’re hanging out at his coming home party, family barbeque/get together thing, and he brings up how he’s always been intimidated by me. All evening he’s told me how beautiful I was, cute, pretty, sexy, all this so what in the hell does that mean? Is he in to me or not? What do I do cuz i really like him?

Thanks,

Intimidated

Dear Intimidated,

What’s it mean to be intimidating to a guy? Basically it means he thinks you’re a little too much for him to handle. Does that imply he might think that you’re battier than a bedbug? Sometimes. Does it mean he’s not into you? Probably? It can be a little case by case but the result is: he and you ain’t bumpin’ body parts together.

What is it that a guy will find intimidating about a woman? Sometimes it’s a physical presence and prowess. For other guys it’s an independent streak that makes them feel inferior (and proves them to be dumb asses). Still, could be a fierce intelligence, financial superiority, or any other empowering traits. Here’s the thing that’s going to soften this sexist sentiment: it’s not the presence of these traits, usually, that cause guys to back down but rather what they feel is a more extreme amount of one or a combination that makes them feel sheepish, uncomfortable, or maybe a bit unworthy.

Sometimes he feels intimidated BECAUSE he’s really into you and feels like he’s out of control of the situation. As stupid as that sounds there’s a lot of stupidity in the truth sometimes. But think of the times when you’ve felt intimated and ask yourself “why?” It comes down to confidence and in this case this guy is claiming he doesn’t have the cajones to be your beau. It’s a power thing.

When you feel powerless you tend to shrink away from the situation. That’s just an act of self-preservation. When we feel weak we fly instead of fight. Not that dating feels like you’re in a 20×20 ring with a pair of 8 ounce gloves on and a spit bucket in your corner to let loose the blood in between rounds…unless you’re dating Amanda Bynes. So the real question is this: is a guy easily intimidated by you deserve a chance? Well, yeah, a first chance-maybe a second even, but draw the line there.

A guy can get over feeling intimidated and don’t do a damn thing to change yourself so that he’ll feel “more like the guy.” You be you. He’ll be him. And he’ll ease his way out of it if he’s up to overcoming his own insecurities. He might not be able to flip the switch in some romantic moment, might even need a little encouraging, but be given a little time he can climb the mountaintop.

All the flirting means he’s into you. Really. He might still be intimidated. His being intimidated might keep him from acting on the fact that he’s into you. So we come to the annoying conclusion that he might BOTH like you and find you intimidating. Sucks, right?

Btw, did anyone else realize how crazy Adam Baldwin was?

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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