7 Reasons I Would Murder My Husband, Zayn Malik, For A Pumpkin Spice Latte

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PSL10! PSL10! PSL10! Today is the 10 year anniversary of the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks and I’m like, lol shut up Dunkin Ds, your pumpkin spice lattes are inferior. There are all these bootleg pumpkin spice lattes at local cafes that do not measure up to Starbucks’ original.

This is my first post for CC and I think for you to understand who Amber is, Amber has to describe to you the ways in which she will murder her one true love Zayn Malik of One Direction for a Pumpskin Spice Latte. Zayn may have the dreamiest eyes and amazing bouffant but he compares not to a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Here are Amber’s reasons why a Pumpkin Spice Latte is better than the many, many orgasms Zayn Malik gives to females on a daily basis.

1. Pumpkin Spice lattes don’t get married to basic bitches like Perrie Edwards who could not light a candle to the fierceness of Amber Biddy’s steezy beauty.

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2. Pumpkin Spice lattes don’t take stupid duck face pictures with fiances who are not me but rather fiances who are basic.

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3. Pumpkin Spice lattes don’t have stupid earrings.

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4. Pumpkin Spice lattes don’t have hair that looks like a skunk made out of Mister Softee chocolate peanut butter soft served ice cream.

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5. Pumpkin Spice lattes don’t eat candy off of Harry Styles’ penis to tempt impressionable woman like myself about the tantalizing world of erotic homosexual fan fiction!

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6. Pumpkin Spice lattes aren’t members of the ~iLlUm~iN@t!~

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7. Pumpkin Spice lattes don’t cuddle with puppies . . . cute adorable . . . pup . . . I could never kill Zayn. I am Zayn. He is a part of me.

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OMG. You guys almost lost me there. I started planning on stalking Zayn at the Nando’s Chicken and carving out his insides to barter his heart for a grande Pumpkin Spice latte then remembered that this was just a blog not real life. OMG. Zayn, forgive. me You have perfect eyebrows and your hair doesn’t look stupid, just, dumb . . . I TAKE IT BACK!

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