We Need to Stop Shaming Our Own Gender

For years women have fought to get to a place of recognition and respect. Now in 2013 we have attained much of what was wanted, but still we have a few things holding us back. In my opinion one of the main things we have that holds us back is the shame and disrespect we place on ourselves. We are all guilty of it, and everyday I am a victim or a perpetrator of it. We talk behind each others backs, we make fun of other women, or we judge them based on our beliefs and our way of living. I think it’s time we cut it out and look at the big picture. We are doing nothing but giving others the opportunity to make us feel as though we are being or doing something wrong.

One prime example in pop culture would be Miley Cyrus. I understand that not everyone particularly enjoys watching her now that her persona has changed, but does that really give us the right to call her a whore? My biggest problem with the entire Miley Cyrus fiasco was the reaction to her performance at the VMAs. Don’t get me wrong, I personally didn’t like the performance. From a spectator’s point of view, I thought it was too much and too confusing. But her performance wasn’t what got me upset, what really upset me was all the name calling done afterwards. She was called a whore, a slut, and white trash in numerous articles that I read. Now on stage with her was Robin Thicke, a man twice her age, who said himself that they had practiced the performance with the grinding and all, and he was fine with it. No one called him a pervert, no one talked about how he was a whore for having naked women parade around him in his music video for Blurred Lines. He was cool, he was praised; but Miley, for doing the same thing and putting on a PERFORMANCE, was slut-shamed to no end.

Now people may say Miley asked for it because she’s in the public eye, and she should know better. But what about the girl at your school, who made a mistake and hooked up with the wrong guy? He told everyone every sordid detail and now she’s a slut. Be honest with yourselves, if we can judge people based off of their sexual acts, what does that say about us? Why do we have the right to judge anyone based off of what they do in the bedroom. Even if its obvious to you, even if they rub it in your face, how does it affect you if someone is “slutty”? And why do we as women have to be the harshest critics of each other.

It is very saddening, but very true that women are more likely to bully other women for things they deem “incorrect”. Whether it be in regard to race, to fashion, to weight, or sex, women seem to be the meanest of them all. Now you may think, “I am not mean! I never do anything like that!”, more than likely you’re lying to yourself. I myself know that sometimes I get into my moods, where I have a no reason to be mean but I find myself taking my anger out on my girlfriends. I make snide comments, or I do mean things and it not necessary, and it sucks when it happens to me, but I still do it.

The thing is, all of this shit talking benefits no one. All we are doing is giving other people the okay to say these things about us. Once those flood gates are opened, they are almost impossible to close. I for one, want to fight against this shaming of women. I don’t want to have a daughter 15 years from now, and have her ask me why she has to hide certain things about herself, or why she is judged based off of her clothing selections.

We can be better and we can do better. The only way we will be able to make a change is to really think about what we are saying and what we should allow to be said about ourselves and others. If you wouldn’t want someone saying it about you, don’t say it about someone else. We all have things we go through and we all have burdens we carry. No one knows why we do the things we do but ourselves, so no one should be able to judge or label us but ourselves. So let’s stop the slut-shaming, the name calling, and judging and instead work on being the best version of ourselves and help empower other women to do the same.

Any thoughts on this article? Do you see these faults in your own life?

[Lead image via]



    1. sally says:

      I completely agree and understand what you're saying, but just do you know Robin Thick did get some crap about his performance with miley and there has been a lot of talk about his blurred lines video that he is with naked women.

    2. The Savvy Senorita says:

      It creates a bad image, and ideal for the younger generation. They see this as the way men, and women behave and interact; as sex objects. Both Cyrus and Thickie are adults and should have known better, yet again though money, publicity and notoriety weigh out. What celeb is merely praised or recognised now only for their career/ talents, and not their sexual talents, or image? Errrr, none! It is stunt that again reinforces object over substance, sex over talent, money over decency. Simple as that. Oh, and no one else had to shame Cyrus or Thickie, they did a fabulous job of shaming themsleves! All the best to ya! Bex

      1. sjules1 says:

        I completely agree that it creates a bad image for the younger generation, but honestly that excuse is a little tired. If we are worried about corrupting the youth then why is slut shaming and name calling our go to response when people don't react the way we want them to?

        And honestly, sex sells, we all know it. Justin Timberlake is up on stage half the time dancing around singing sexually explicit song too but he gets no slack, Miley puts on a performance, jokingly as she has said 100 times and she get shamed terribly.

        …the future looks pretty bleak if this mode of punishment is what people deem acceptable.

      2. Mini_20xo says:

        What's getting old is people sticking up for Miley. It's her own damn fault people are calling her names.

      3. The Savvy Senorita says:

        I am sorry you misread my reply to the article, let me clarify for you. I don't call anyone names in my comment, nor would I. I don't know Cyrus or Thickie, and don't really care about what they do, and how low they go to sell themselves for cash, not interested! Celebrity culture is dull! I do disagree with her conduct, and Thickie's though, and have a right to disagree. Such behaviour has gone on too long, and it doesn't make it right. It is time people were able to say, if they want to, that they don't want to see such things plastered all over the place as the norm. People should be able to disagree without fear of ridicule. OK, I know sex sells, everyone does, but why except that as a fact, why be OK with it. Why use it as an excuse all the time, that is old. Sexual stereotypes sell products too, but that doesn't make them OK to reproduce in real life either. I mean who would feel OK being categorised as a label or stereotyped in life, I know I don't, so why celebrate and perpetuate it. People need to just think first and then act or react, not just always be OK with everything through fear of being seen as an outsider or being some how passé. For me, if you don't like some thing then say it. We are all free to air our thoughts, and this is mine. I am not about to try and coerce anyone into siding with me, each to their own, we are all different! I just think the barriers of behaviour are being always pushed, when do we draw the line? When is is too much? I also feel sexual objectification of either sex is not a step forward, and is not liberating. I want to be appreciated and accepted and addressed and included for all of me, not just my boobs, butt, and so on and so on. I feel this type of behaviour being published all over the place, held up as something for us to notice, to adopt, to accept is in a way, helping to make our life as women turn backwards a few decades. I am more than my sexuality, I am more than what I appear to be through the eyes of men, women or people in general. Again, this is how I feel, and am entitled to feel it without anyone judging me, moaning at me, arguing and denying. I am entitled to say, I don't agree! As I said, we are all individuals with our minds and free to think what we want. So, live and let live – it is only a blog after all!

    3. I definitely agree and Miley did a wonderful job on making herself look like crap but that doesn't mean other girls have to act like her.

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