There he is. Your eyes meet. The butterflies in your stomach are loud enough for the entire room to hear. Your palms moisten and your palpitating heart seems to want to beat out of your chest. You muster up the courage to walk to him, but someone has you beat.
Think quick. You make a detour to the bathroom, as to not draw too much attention to yourself. Who was that girl? It doesn’t matter anyway, right? The two of you only casually hookup.
Friends with benefits, hooking up, whatever you decide to call it — gets messy. Sure, you get the “buddy and the boo,” but tippy toeing around those invisible boundaries of “Am I wrong for feeling this way?” gets old. A casual relationship doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a clear division of what you’re willing to accept.
The whole point of having a beneficiary friendship is to escape the feelings that come with relationships. No strings attached, correct? If this is in fact the type of “friendship” you are looking for the two of you need to be clear on this agreement.
Do you remember the scene in Friends With Benefits when Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake started naming all the things that made them tick? Think of it that way. Establish your boundaries from the beginning and it may lead to a lot less confusion down the road. A pact of open communication should be used to define what exactly FWB mean to the both of you. You’d be surprised at how many people’s definitions may differ.
If you’re going to brave enough to venture off into this type of casual relationship, go hard or go home. This should be something that is fun for the both of you. You aren’t constricted to the confines of what a relationship may offer, and monotonous and mundane shouldn’t be words that describe the attraction between the two of you. You aren’t a married couple so be open to experimentation and spontaneity.
Know Your Role
I’m going to leave you with a piece of advice a friend gave me. “Know your role. If you’re going to be a good lover, be a good lover. If you’re going to be a good friend, be a good friend.” Handle each role separately, and in the case that things go sour: “If you’re going to be a good stranger, be a good stranger.” Don’t mix the three. Mixing the three leads to this gray area that I haven’t seen many people maneuver through successfully. You’re my friend that happens to get to see me naked, so don’t try to find out my whereabouts like you’re my boyfriend. Want me as your girlfriend? Do what you have to do to change things. No PDA, please. Again, those are boyfriend privileges.
Being Open About Sexual Partners
This goes without saying. If you’re rolling around in the sheets with me, who knows who else you’re doing it with. I don’t need names or cup sizes, but let’s make a pact to always be safe. Better safe than sorry!
[Lead image via Peter Bernik/Shutterstock]