Ladies, we’re kind of lucky in that we are not expected to make the first move when it comes to sex with guys. The burden tends to lie with them to get the ball rolling and we’re supposed to go along with it if we’re so inclined. This tends to be the case both in casual and more serious relationships. It’s why any time sex advice from dudes appears in ladymags the male author will yelp, “IT’S SO HOT WHEN A GIRL INITIATES THINGS.”
If you’re one of those girls who waits for the dude to get things hot, you are so much better than that. Initiating can be a daunting task, but it’s actually really simple. The worst case scenario isn’t that terrible, and the potential payoff is pretty amazing.
You have to accept that rejection is possible—but, it’s not life-ruining and you can totally recover from it with your dignity intact. Whether you’re turned down by an almost-stranger who’s just not that into you, or someone you’ve been dating for awhile, as long as you don’t put your self-esteem in the hands of someone else, you’ll be okay. There are people out there who don’t think Beyonce is sexy, so clearly you cannot trust other people’s judgment 100 percent.
Once you’re in a decent mental place, then you choose how you want to express that you’re ready to hookup. There are so many different approaches to this. Technology makes it so that you can perfect your dirty talk before sending it out there, so don’t shy away from sending a flirty text (anything from “I want you in me” to “Last night [or whenever the last time you had sex was] was so fun. I can’t wait to repeat it” or anything else explicit that gets the point across. Or, if photos are more your thing, a seductive selfie rarely fails.
If you and your partner are hanging out alone, be the first one to initiate a kiss and go from there. Or, if you’re feeling raunchy, start caressing their favorite erogenous zones. If you’re not in the mood for foreplay, “Hey, get a condom,” has worked wonders, in my experience. If you’re at a party or somewhere in public, whispering about how you wish you two were alone and how you want to go down on them or get fucked or whatever it is you want to do works as well.
Really, it’s all about making your partner feel desirable and sexy. Think about the things you’d want someone to say to you and then say them to your partner. Everyone loves to feel sexy sometimes, and it’s such an easy and nice thing to do. Putting the burden on someone else to always be the first one to get the ball rolling can start to cultivate insecurities and make them feel like you’re not into it. Sometimes we all need that extra validation that comes from someone else putting in the effort to maintain the relationship.