“Work Bitch,” Britney Spears‘ latest music video premiered last night and you’d think it was a gift from God herself or at least an excellent way to get your mind off of the current government shutdown. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to “Work Bitch” today but I can tell you it’s the only song I’ve listened to today. The video is flaw-free. IT’S FLAW FREE. I watched it 7 times in a row last night and it was perfect every single time. One thing I did notice about the video, other than the fact that it literally makes no sense, was that Britney appears to be some kind of slave owner. I noticed a lot of basic bitches getting whipped and on leashes. The theme of the song, of course, is working, working for the things you desire like hot bodies and parties in France. Could Britney be sending a message about what it’s like to work for her? IS THIS A METAPHOR FOR OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENT REGIMES?
I can only imagine that this video is exactly what it’s like to work for Britney.
First of all you are her slave.
You are not even head slave, Britney has many slaves.
There are those who disobey. Godney disposes of them basic bitches with her godly wrath.
A Britney slave intern generally starts the day with early morning calisthenics.
Britney might humor your sense of vanity with questions like, “You wanna hot body? You want a Bugatti?You want a Maseratti?”
These are strictly rhetorical, trick questions. Do not answer them but if you do her response will be the same either way.
As a slave intern you must represent the Britney Spears brand at all times and thus your ability to speak will be replaced with Beats portable speakers to ensure you only communicate with Britney lyrics.
You will be solely responsible for handling social media.
For feeding the sharks in the decorative tank.
You must make sure the pyrotechnics are properly running.
Lastly, you must provide the Queen with regular mani-pedis.
Remember, the alternative is . . .